Open Minds and Open Hearts

Breaking news

2012-02-01T05:30:00.000-08:00

I am not perfect, but you already (I hope) knew that.

Next revelation--you are not perfect either. We are all works in progress.

In the last month or so any sense of pride I had has been shattered. I have been "laid low" (See Christa Wells Image of God album) and seen how really sinful I still am. I am a "lying, thieving, adulterer at heart". (Check out the movie 180 for just one of many references to that.) I am no better than any one else.

But that is exactly the point. Who better to help out other human beings than somebody who is one! (And very much so. if you only knew.) Yet while God alone is holy, I can share what He has done in my life to bring me closer to Him and make me more like Himself.

Given the fact that I am not perfect is a large part of what I learned this last month, I am the last person to be giving advice on certain things. But there are other topics which I still feel like I have a lot to share about. I will just be trying much harder to share more respectfully. And from a more personal "how it affected me" kind of way instead of a preachy "this is what you need to do" kind of way.

I will get around to blogging about the book unChristian, but so much else happened to me personally that I just need to write it out to make sense of all of it. So please bear with me. I'm glad to be back!

Not back yet...

2012-01-19T09:54:00.000-08:00

Just testing out typing on my lap. Hubby moved computer (and other things)
around and computer no longer has it's own surface....

He just read that and said "It has it's own surface.Your the surface." True, but it is one I am not used to. Not sure I like this but I suppose I'll adjust. The lap top has become an actual lap top.

How is your January going? And why is my sixteen month old playing with an iPod?...

Back to organizing. (And finding a higher place for that iPod.) It's the nineteenth and we finally got around to it today.

There's a story behind what else we've been doing that I hope to tell soon. See you in two more weeks.

So how are those New Year's Resolutions going?...

2012-01-04T06:29:00.000-08:00

I'm enjoying this break way too much. Now that we are back to a normal routine I have so much I want to do and so little time. Yeah, lots of things to work on over here for 2012. I think I need the whole month to organize, not just my house, but my whole life. I'll be back February 1st!

Together we can change the world!

2011-12-24T13:41:00.000-08:00

So what have you learned here? Anything? Or am I just talking to myself? Do you feel that one person can make a difference?

With God's help, yes. All I have to do is look at things like the story of Mother Angelica. One fiesty little Italian nun started an entire broadcast network that has been running on donor support and God's providence for thirty years.

What about two people? How about ten? This story shows how only 10 protesters are gaining lots of media attention. Ten people, that's it.

What cause do you feel strongly about? Mine is obviously pro life but there are so many out there. So many people in our world need our help in so many ways. No one person can handle them all, but we can all do this together.

Do you know anyone else who feels the same way as you? What can you all do together? Let's work together to become the best version of ourselves and then join together to go out into the darkness and be a force for good.

That's what all this has been about. To get you to think hard about your life and how you do things and how you can change so that you can help others change their own situation. I've been thinking a lot too.

And I hope that my writing somehow changes your situation and gets you to see things in a new way. Looking forward growing with you in the new year.

I have changed over this time too and am thinking long and hard about what, if anything, this blog will be like into the future. After a short hiatus I will be here on Wednesday's and Friday's only in January. I need boundries in my life and writing only on Tuesday and Thursday nights when my hubby is not home is one change I am willing to make for at least the start of 2012!

Have a very Merry and Blessed Christmas everyone!

Baby Balance (On doing God's Will)

2011-12-23T05:03:00.000-08:00

Despite the fact that it is just past nine pm and my kids have just now finally decided to settle down... I always wanted kids. (There are just times I need a reminder like, "This is the baby that everybody prayed for. This is the baby that everybody prayed for.")

You may find this hard to believe, given the fact that my husband told people that he wanted ten kids (He was, mostly, joking.), but the size of the family never mattered to me. I just wanted kids. I never said I want only one, just three, or ten. Just "I want kids."

It didn't even matter to me if they were biological or not. I would not have been one of those people hell bent on having my own and using tons of invasive procedures to get the job done. (Obviously, I was not hell bent on not having them either.) Before I was even sure of any sort of religious belief I was open to whatever came my way.

Now I would see that as being open to God's will. I just loved kids. Sure, now the fact that they will turn into teenagers frightens me at times (at least if my daughter is anything like I was at thirteen!), but I see how each one of them is a precious gift and how well they fit into our family. Each of them is here for a reason.

I am still open to more. (They just haven't come along yet, despite the fact that many of you assumed I would be pregnant by now. Possible TMI warning-I think it may be because poly cystic is having it's way with me right now.) But I don't feel that I NEED more. There could be reasons God is giving us only three or another one might come along later. Time will tell but I know it will happen in His time and His way.

Just like another birth. The one we celebrate this weekend. What about Mary? Do you think that Mary had her own plans for her life? "Let's see, I'll just marry Joseph and we'll have 2 kids..." Or was she always open to His will? Did Mary have "baby balance"? Was she willing to accept whatever came her way?

"Be done to me according to your word."

There's your answer.

Mary was probably a young teenager and did not quite understand everything that would happen. She probably received negative reactions from family and friends when they heard the news. Did she know how they would react and still say yes?

My question to you is "What do you do when God asks you to do something tough?" Do we say no? Or do we do it even knowing that bad things may happen? It is even worse when He doesn't warn you what those things are. It is tough to blindly say yes to the will of God. Especially hard when God doesn't even make sense. (He still doesn't to me sometimes. I never said I had all the answers. I just know He's real.)

Mary probably knew what people would think of her, but she still did it anyway. But what about her Son dying on a cross? Do you think she knew that part? Or did she blindly say yes not knowing what was to come?

I have no idea what 2012 will hold for all of us. But I do know that I will do what Mary told the servants at the wedding feast to do. I will "do whatever He tells you".

I'm tired

2011-12-22T17:05:00.000-08:00

I went swimming with a four and a half year old for over an hour. Later I took him and his siblings to the park. (Can I just say 57 on December 22nd is not normal for me!?!) So yes, I am the one who is running out of energy. But, no, he did not take a nap and he is still going strong. Two little elves are hanging out on the stairs not listening to mommies pleas to go to bed.

I am going to post what was to be today's blog tomorrow because a) I don't have it written yet and b)I had planned to share one of my pastors homilies tomorrow and I never asked him to send me a copy. One more post to write and I am DONE for 2011. Ten posts straight may have been a little much at this point.

And I am the one who is being challenged. Anybody else feeling challenged yet? Nope, just me? Ok. I didn't know it was possible for one person to change so much in one week. God had unknown challenges in store for me. (Like learning patience in a restuarant! Jess, they were keeping Amy from food. You know it is not pretty...) And learning that I unintentionally offend people and how to change so I don't do that any more. (At least I hope not. Please forgive me if I do-still learnin'.) And a whole bunch of other things I can't begin to describe.

But on to happier things...tomorrow we are going to tree farm and I am finally listening to a Christmas special right now. (Sinatra is singing The First Noel.) It is almost here! And then Monday-snow country here I come!

The true meaning of Christmas

2011-12-21T10:50:00.000-08:00

*I wrote this one two years ago for my private family blog but it never got to be posted.

(Alternately titled-Do you even know what your celebrating tomorrow?)

I just watched a program about Catholic evangalization on college campuses. The man who founded the program they were talking about said a woman once stood up angry asking why she was 40, had gone to Mass every Sunday, and this was the first time that she was being told that Jesus was God. And I too felt angry at that. Angry that I used to be the person that didn't know or understand. Because for whatever reason my generation was not taught well along with that of my parents but thankfully things are changing. Don't believe me? Take a look at my fifth graders book. No more fluffy feel good Catholicism, let's get down to nitty gritty doctrine. (Ok, I admit, we are also an apathetic generation and I may have not been paying the best attention.) Angry that there are still so many people that don't know, but thankful that I now do know and am able to share what I know with all of you.

I remember once - late high school/early college - my friend asked me why Catholics pray to Mary. Well all I had to come back with was "I don't know". What kind of answer is that? Anyway now I do know - that ans so much more that I can't help but share it with all of you.

So what I am sharing tonight is the true meaning behind the Christmas season. It isn't about presents. (Sure they are nice but even my one little fifth grader gets Christmas is about Jesus's birthday and that's why he likes it. Well... 51% because of that, 49% because of the presents-at least he's honest, though his twin brother tried to get me to see that issue differently.) It isn't about a great holiday feasts and lots of family time. That's nice though. It comes from what our celebration of what it's really all about.

It is about how GOD BECAME MAN! Jesus is God and he came as a tiny baby to grow up and suffer and die for you and me. Each one of us...really, each one of us. He would have come only for you - the reader - or me - the writer. Now if you, like the lady at the beginning of this commentary are just finding this out for the first time I hope you come to believe it. If you've heard it before but haven't really given it much thought, think some more. And if you don't think it matters read this other commentary which goes so much deeper (and better) into why it matters than I ever could. (See sometimes (ok a lot) me (the writer) is the reader learning just like you (hopefully, maybe?) learn from me.) And go ahead and read the commentary if you just want to ponder what it means for Jesus to have had a belly button because that's the angle he takes. Anyway, I enjoyed it and I hope you all do too.

http://www.ccocanada.ca/uploads/theological-reflections/article03.pdf

And that you all have a happy, healthy, and blessed Christmas!

We interrupt this regularly scheduled Christmas Countdown to say...

2011-12-20T13:32:00.000-08:00

I am a totally miserable human being. No, no, not even just a bad Christian but a worthless human being.

Or at least that's how I feel after my interactions (or shall I say reactions) over the last few days. What started out as a simple apology (and some oversight on my part of thinking people would not actually want to dialogue with me, but oh, did they!) turned into heated ~~arguments~~ debates about all things God/abortion/homosexuality related.

I particularly lost my cool when "they" assumed that I was not doing something (that to me and I thought most "normal" people seemed obvious) to help my friend who finds themselves in a tough spot these days. ("How can people think this way?" insert further interactions "Oh, wait....it's cause they have actually seen people act this way-man this is a messed up world!") I totally lost it and swore. The bad words. (Sigh.) My friend got an earful of the same when I called her to bi complain.

Who are "they" and why was I so angry with them? Because they are people I know very little about (and who know very little about me) who seem to have the exact opposite opinion that I do. The only things we have learned about each other have been through the internet. This is not the first time something like this has happened either.

Why does this happen? I think because it is all over the internet. There is no tone of voice or body language clues. And forget about immediate responses, it may take hours meanwhile you are stewing over the last thing the person said that ticked you off. (Maybe it is not a coincidence that the opinion of Christians has fallen so greatly since all this technology came in to play or that the kids 85 year old godmother said she noticed people being ruder the last few years than in times past.)

I took my kids to the local bounce house this morning, you know, out among the three dimensinal people. I saw actual people! And it felt great. I remembered how much I love people. I don't love screen names. I love the actual people behind them.

As I was there this morning I was really thinking hard. How are these people any different than the people over the internet. Actually, they aren't. (For all I know they could be the same people from over the internet!) The people I have been talking to the last few days look no different than the rest of us.

So just because we don't all share the same opinions does not mean we should treat each other with respect, even if it is over the internet. Each person is of great value and no one deserves it. (Even in the times we feel like worthless human beings, so go easy on me.0

This is a great tool and can be used to discuss our differing opinions but we must not forget about the humanity of the person on the other side. So what does this mean for me and all of you?

Well, first off I will soon be writing a new official comment policy for this blog. Here are just a few hints in the meantime.

1) No swearing! Yes, even me. I am going to have to learn to follow my own rules...

2) You are free to share a different opinion from the author or other commenter's but may not make them emotionally charged rants. It will be a real struggle for me in 2012 as I learn to keep my emotions in check. Think before writing Amy, think hard!

3) Keep what you are saying related to the post at hand. If it is not on the topic of the post don't submit it. It will be denied. Or look for a post it may be more suited to.

4) No degrading comments about others. This means no calling people fundies or calling the people who call them fundies loons. Degrading will be left to my discretion.

5) And finally no anonymous comments. My husband and I talked about all this on a (very long) date night last. (Seriously, the longest it has ever taken us at a resturaunt our whole lives, so much so that my father in law came searching for us because he thought for sure we were dead!) Hubby said the former parish secretary had a policy of not looking at anonymous complaint letters. They went right in the trash. in other worse, if you want to tell the pastor you hate him you better be willing to tell him who you are.

So if you are willing to say something here you must be willing to sign in under "name" and put one. Who am I to know if you are really Cindy and not Linda. At least this may stop some people who want to hide their degrading fundie/loon comments.

In general a good rule for us all to follow here or anywhere else we post on the web is "If you would not say it to someone's face do not post it." That will surely get us all thinking before we hit publish. Me included.

As for me and the fate of this blog I will finish out the Christmas Countdown Challenge through Saturday and then take a week break for holiday visits and travel. At this point a week without touching (no, no better yet-even seeing!) a computer sounds like pure bliss to me.

Then during the month of January I will be posting only on Wednesday and Friday mornings (already was planning this schedule) and the topic will be the book unChristian (cause there are just enough chapters) so we can all grow in this being nicer to each other thing.

After that the future is unsure. Given all of this maybe the internet is not the place for me. Or maybe I just have to learn to-gasp-tone down my sarcasm. (No, not the sarcasm!) Things will be more clear to me once I figure out our new home school plan over the break and get into a new routine around here.

Maybe this will grown in to a community and not just me talking to myself. Or maybe the three little disciples I have right here are all God wants me to handle right now. All I know is that I want a closer relationship with them than I feel like I had with my parents and others growing up.

Mom and dad, I am looking forward to talking about anything and everything when we come up to visit next week! (Not sure if I am ready for snow though...)

And to those by marriage only extended family members that I told I wanted you to get to know me better by reading my Christmas countdown before we all talked more over the holidays? Well you are seeing the good, the bad, and the ugly of me this week which could lead to even more interesting discussions than I thought on Christmas day! I will see you all soon!

To the rest of you, I hope you also have an enjoyable (and relaxing) holiday this year.

Friendship: Quantity or quaility?

2011-12-19T06:59:00.000-08:00

Ok, so it's Thursday night and I just came across the trailer for the (In) Courage, (In) Real Life event. All of the footage was shot at Relevant. It did not make me cry and long to go back. I was not in any of it. If I was you may have seen me in the background looking for someone to talk to....

I have yet to find the community that they speak of. The real true friends who are there for you no matter what. (Besides Jesus and my husband but where is my female counterpart?) I talked to people at Relevant but three days is not enough for me to get to know someone and open up. Especially when I was trying to meet as many people as possible. I should have focused more on a few.

With my own friend I am riding with to another friends house tomorrow it has taken almost seven years. (We met on New Year's Eve 04' And we kicked the boys butts in Trivial Pursuit!) I am finally just getting to really know her. Not that we haven't shared things over the years but it has still never gone too deep. (Perhaps I have trust issues from the fourth grade when someone said they were my "best friend" and then later ditched me once the popular crowd let them back in the circle. Yeah, girls have always seemed strange to me. I've never gotten how this kind of thing makes sense.)

Instead I do silly things like sit behind this screen all afternoon while my children sleep. Now that I am getting a taste of real friendship it is not as satisfying any more. So while I have on line "friends" I think I am going to be doing more in real life meeting.

What about you, especially at this time of year? Do you send out Christmas cards to all your "friends"? How many of them are really your friends? This is something I had to think about this year when my husband questioned me on it. "How well do you know these people? Do you communicate with them the rest of the year? Why don't you spend more time with the people right around you all year? I would like if we could do things were everyone was involved instead of you just sending out cards." Good long (hard) thought insued. (And help from the eldest to integrate him into this years card experience-my apologies if your stamp was crooked...)

So while I may not send out as many cards next year it is not because you have not all been important to me at some point in my life. Many of you I considered friends at one time but we have lost touch, save the "Christmas card friendship". (Seriously, still waiting for an e-mail response back from someone cause I think they may have a kid I was previously unaware of. Only nine out of twelve months would have been required for that.)

Maybe your part of my new big extended family and I wish I got to see you in real life more. (I miss Grammy's Christmas party for that. I only got to three but it was great!)

Or maybe you have known me my whole life and you are my parents friends. I can always send the cute pics to my mom for her to give to you. But as for me, I think next year I need to spend more time with my in real life friends and focusing on my family than doing the insane number of Christmas cards I do.

Again, know that even though we may not all do the best at keeping in touch, I love you all, because, well, I know how much God loves you and I am tending to see things the way He sees them more often these days.

(Side note: Since writing this it has come to my attention that telling you God loves you may be taken offensively but I still say it because I know it's true. Sorry if you take it the wrong way. If you don't want to read about it you are free to not read this blog...)

Oh no, I'm "HIM"

2011-12-17T18:37:00.000-08:00

So last night I was talking to my friend who is not a Christian about the the situation I found myself in yesterday. Of course, an over zealous friend of ours, who she felt (and I saw) was trying to convert her and I realized to you all I have become him.

My friend said that she could see how things I have written could come off that way to someone who doesn't know me in real life. It's why part of me, the part that was going to soon announce I was cutting back on blog time in January because I want to spend more time with three dimensional people instead, wants to be able to jump through the computer screen so I could actually talk to you about this.

I feel, and have talked about this before, that this medium is not ideal because things like tone of voice and body language can not be taken into account. I just write because I like to. It helps me process things. If it helps someone out in the process that's great.

I don't want to drive people away from Christ so I have been learning (since the original post, and will continue to do so), how to come across without offending others the best I can. But ultimately I am not responsible for that. I am not responsible for your feelings and how you take things. I can say and mean one thing and it is not my fault if you take it a completely different way. (I hate this because my husband always has to be the one to point this out to me when I take offence to what he says...)

With this whole situation I realize there is also a lot of ASSuming going on. (Yes, I put those in caps for a reason...ahem.) I assumed things about all of you at FJ and wrote a nasty post about it before I really had time to calm down and think about it. I have since learned to not blog when angry...

You all seem to (I'm assuming here again, tell me if I am wrong) be assuming that I am not sincere.

We should all stop making these assumptions. We don't know each other in real life. You all don't know about the chemical/hormonal mess that I am that makes me act this way at times. (Oh my do meds help, but it is hard to change thirty years of acting one way once you start taking them. It has been a long two and a half year process but I am getting better all the time. I am even better since I wrote the original post in May. Again, I have definitely learned to not blog when angry...if only I could learn to not snap at my husband when I first get out of bed we'd be all set!)

You also don't know about how I used to doubt the existence of God and how I found my way back to my Catholic roots. You don't know about all the hardships I've had that got me there, such as having a miscarriage and a baby who needed heart surgery at six weeks old. (I pretty much saw my only option was to trust in God.)

On the other side, I don't know what hardships you have had. I don't know what interactions you have all had with Christians that make you assume I am not being sincere. From reading unChristian I can only guess they were like some of the not to pleasant examples in the book. Humans-Christian or not-can be very nasty to each other at times. Again, I am sorry I was nasty to you. It was one of my biggest unChristian moments in awhile. Here's hoping I don't put my ~~foot in my mouth~~ fingers on the keyboard like that too many more times in life!

Apology....

2011-12-16T15:30:00.000-08:00

To all those who are coming back over here from the Free Jinger web site I again apologize for writing this : http://openmindsandopenhearts.blogspot.com/2011/05/but-you-cant-make-them-drink-koolaid.html It was wrong of me. I was angry and I generalized. I later apologized for it (stupid post got deleted by blogger when they changed things that day, but someone commented on it that it stopped them from writing their own nasty one about you) and did so in the comments as well. You may all think I am a big joke but I am not. I truly do want to dialogue with you.

For the rest of you-where did this coming from? Reading unChristian...More to come!

Go ahead and hate me but...

2011-12-16T04:51:00.000-08:00

We don't "do" Santa. There I said it. I feel so much better now. I know, your probably expecting a consumerism/ the same letters spell Satan rant from me, but I don't think it's that at all. Just follow me on this for a second.

First off, husband is the church organist and we had/have very busy family schedule during this time so we never really have time to do the whole Christmas morning to ourselves thing. The rest, the conscience decision to not do Santa, developed over time and just followed my kids lead and our own thoughts.

2007-Baby number one is too small to get it anyway. We were unsure how we felt about the whole thing due to the previously mentioned reasons and the fact that we both felt disappointed when we found out he wasn't real. (If your old enough to read, but just figured this out I am sorry.) My husband was more keen on the no Santa thing than me , but I took baby's pic with Santa and said we could always use it to say that that Santa was telling him about the real Santa Claus (Yes, their is an actual person behind the story.)

2008-Kinda the same deal. Took baby number one (baby number two was in my big pregnant belly) to see Santa at the Santa breakfast but the kid still had no clue who he was.

2009-Take baby number two for that first visit to St. Nick. Am thinking this whole no Santa thing might not be a bad idea after hearing my friend talk about her three year old freaking out thinking about a man who could see everything she does and coming down her chimney. Remember the little kids who freaked out over the Easter bunny (no I guess we don't do that either, you'll soon see why...) because bunnies weren't supposed to be that big. When you stop to think of it from a very little child's perspective all of these things are a little bit frightening.

2010-Baby number three gets her pic (Along with the rest of us in a family shot) with the Santa who came to our mom's group party. He is a real deal Santa. (And I am not just talking about the beard-if I believed I would think he was the real one.) It is the fact that he talks all about the real reason for Christmas. Jesus. (They wouldn't give him a job at the mall so he refused. What's the use in being Santa if you can't talk about Jesus? Instead he does it wherever he can, places like the juvinille detention facility where the message is desperately needed.) At this point, I think the oldest, at three and half, got the idea that Santa was a guy who brought presents but he wasn't a big deal.

2011-Ah yes, the present. We watched The Boy Who Became Santa, the story of St. Nicholas. The oldest does in fact know Santa brings presents, but doesn't know they are supposed to be requested. He also knows that grandma and grandpa (come on, they are the real Santa Claus in this family!) give them too.

The dentist (don't ask about my visit...let's just say I have to go back) asked him if he had a list for Santa. He doesn't. I am not going to promote the whole "Christmas is about getting what you want-gimmie!- mentality." It is fine if he asks for something and I can recommend it to the grandparents, but I am not going to go asking for it. (Side bar-I think not having tv plays a big role in the fact that they don't have the gimmies-just sayin'.) We are going to do more things as they get older too where we give to others.

So that is currently where we stand with Santa. Do I think they are missing out? Maybe. It is a lot different than the way I grew up. But I don't think that necessarily means it's bad. And it means I won't have to lie (in church!) when the priest accidentally lets it slip that Santa isn't real. (Yes, this actually happened to someone. Forgive the priest-he is in his 90's and doesn't care what anyone else thinks any more. He was trying to get across (the very valid) point that a big deal is made of Santa ("He's not even real!"-gee I wonder what gave it away.) as well as other things when that is not what the season is all about.

P.S.-Besides I don't think we can pull anything over on that four and a half year old. He's pretty smart. He even told me that it was a man in a bunny costume he's with in that picture on the fridge. (If only the little girl at the day care would have known it was her own mother(!) in the bunny costume.) So please forgive him too, if he ends up being the one who spoils the fun for your kids...

(Something else funny, as I was proofing this, the same little boy asked me when Santa was coming. I was pondering how ironic that was but it turns out he just meant to the ~~Santa~~ St. Nicholas party at church and not to our house. We have since seen that Santa and he was more impressed with the fact that Santa drove a bus and that he got to eat cupcakes.)

When less is really more...

2011-12-15T08:58:00.000-08:00

It should really be no surprise by now that I feel we are so spoiled with stuff here in America and take it all for granted. We talked about how that affected me the last few days. Here is what I am doing now to try and curb that. I am just making small simple changes over time. Nothing too drastic yet. (Ok, so we did get rid of tv, but that is more a life style choice than a money/greed issue for us.) Other than that, slow and steady.

For example on a recent trip to Target, I bought two sets of two candles for eight dollars instead of going for one pack of six for ten. "Why?", you say. "It's a deal. You are getting more for less!" Well, not really. It's not a deal to spend two more dollars for two more candles when I didn't need six, I only needed four. (Advent wreath. On second thought I should have gone for more because the middle child likes to light them all the time when we eat and we are down to nothing. Just maybe not these ones. I am not impressed with them because they are getting wax all over my wreath!)(Side bar number two-I gave in and got the slightly more expensive ones when we were at Bed Bath and Beyond-the word dripless had me hooked! Sometimes you do get what you pay for.) The point is these are the many small changes I am making.

What about you? What small changes can you make? Less eating out? No Starbucks in the morning? Ten dollars less on everyone's Christmas gifts. (For me that would be about 3 1/2 months of Compassion sponsorship. Big extended family...)The little things do add up and eventually make a lot.

So this year start small. Think of one small simple thing you can cut back on to save more money for yourself and to give more to others who really truly need it a lot more than you do. Do as Mother Teresa said and "Live simply so that others may simply live." (Ouch, I just heard God saying that to me when I wrote it. I am being called to an ever more simpler life!)

If you really want to challenge yourself you can even think about the big things. For example, you do not NEED tv. You just want tv. I know, I did too. But I am here four and a half years later. I survived. In fact I am a lot happier without it.

What about cars? Do you NEED two cars or do you just want two cars? (No pressure.) My husband and I actually contemplated this one but didn't go there. We would have but his work is too far away and the several bus routes don't match up with his odd times otherwise we might have. So there is a mini van sitting in my driveway which costs enough to sponsor three kids all the way through Compassion and his would do two kids. I know other people this has worked for and my own parents had to do it for several months and it worked out just fine. In some cases it works.

So why am I mentioning all this? Charity! Less is really more when you give. You have less things but you get so much more in giving. So this season try to find ways you can spend less so you can give more. That's what this season and the message of Jesus are all about. I'm just the messenger. Just throwing the challenges out there! Planting seeds, that's all I am doing. I know all this is very counter cultural, but seeing as I don't have tv and all, I tend to not think cultural much any more.

Tomorrow's a big one. I tackle "the big guy" himself...

When I feel like Santa Claus...

2011-12-14T04:50:00.000-08:00

I saw their faces today. The faces of just some of the kind of people I want to help...

Let's go back for a second to me and Christmas. I talked the other day about how Christmas used to be for me, but there is one important part I forgot. Even while I still had somewhat more of an entitled mindset I still loved giving at Christmas. (Ok and Christmas music, even the Jesus kind when I wasn't sure I believed in any of this. Tell me how much sense that makes! I think HE was always trying to speak to me.)

I loved getting the tags off of those giving trees and going shopping with my mom for some little boy or girl and imagining them opening what we got them on Christmas morning. I have filled up shoe boxes for kids in poor countries through Operation Christmas Child. I have done Toys for Tots. I have done the tree at our church.

Now a days I want to give even more. And not just at Christmas. And the things I want to give are different. I am more about the practical than the fun. Food instead of toys. But I know the fun has it's place and their are plenty of people to fill that roll. It's just now, seeing that the last things left on the tree where requests for gift cards to the local foods stores, saddened me. Why does no one want to give them the most basic necessity of life?

So back to today. I went, with my eldest, and gave away some of our old things. (Murphy's law anyone? Expect a forthcoming pregnancy announcement in the next few months due to the fact that we gave in and gave away baby stuff....) Yes, the first place we stopped was the local crisis (Oh how I wish people didn't see a child as a crisis) pregnancy center. And I saw their faces. The grandparents and dads (I assume) waiting in the car while the women is inside trying to figure out if they can really have this baby. I can only hope and pray that seeing me pull up will help them realize there are people out there who want to help. A whole garage storage area worth.

So good- bye baby clothes and gear. It feels great to help the pro life cause in any concrete way. I just hope it is enough. I have been given so much and know God is calling me to give. Is my gift really that big when I have the resources to have another baby if one comes along? My gift seems so small compared to the women in the gospels who gave almost all of her money away. I give out of my extras and not out of what I can sacrifice. And I ponder the saying that it is hard for a rich man to get into heaven. And I fear my gifts are all to small.

I know God appreciates me giving them but I feel him calling me to give even more. I am finding small ways to cut back on the things I buy so I can give more. Tomorrow I will talk about some of those and how we can all help those in need during this season and throughout the year. Let's all be a St. Nicholas to someone else.

I think I'm Cathrotestic (On the importance of prayer)

2011-12-13T05:40:00.000-08:00

That's right. Part Catholic, part Protestant. Not just Protestant but "born again - Jesus is my personal Lord and Saviour" Protestant. You see, while I believe the teachings of the Catholic Church, I think many Catholics (I know because I used to be one and I know some now) don't have a close relationship to Jesus. They go to church and do their duty. And that is pretty much their only relationship to God. I see them leave after communion. They don't even know who it is that they are receiving. It's much better to beat everyone to the parking lot than to stay and thank Jesus.

Those are what are sometimes call "the clock in and clock out" Catholics. My hand goes into the holy water font on the way in, back in on the way out. But I do it out of habit and not because I really know what I am doing. Again, I know, I used to be one!

Around this time of year there are certain days that are much fuller at church than usual. Fuller than it's capacity. Full with what are sometimes called "Creasters". Those who only come on Christmas and Easter. The ones that someone joked are going to need a "while you were away" intro to the new Mass changes.

In your own life, do you feel like you are always dragging your kids to church, or worse yet, you can't get them to go any more? Why is this? Why don't they come?

Lack of prayer. I didn't want to go to church either when I didn't have a relationship with God. I still went (most times) because I felt guilty if I didn't because it had been ingrained in me some how but I didn't really understand (or care about) what was going on there. Remember people, wasn't even sure it was all real.

Prayer is seriously lacking in the Catholic church. At least it seems to be compared to more Protestant circles. Have we been taught to kind of just show up or go to hell? My generation was so poorly catechized that I actually had a fellow Catholic, who went to 12 years of Catholic school, tell me that she felt uncomfortable around the ladies in her Protestant mom's group because she was used to pray just being Our Father's and Hail Mary's.

Well, yeah, if that is all your prayer life is, just rote memorized words and nothing behind it-no relationship to speak of except one with a distant God somewhere up in the sky, I would see how that would make you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I still feel out of place around these kind of prayers. (Hi, Relevant anyone? I was worried I was going to scream Catholic!)

But do you know what I have learned? Prayer is not about rote, it is about relationship. I just talk to God like He is my friend. I pour my heart out to Him and tell Him what's on my mind. Then I try really hard to settle down my over active brain and listen. Yes, you must listen. What is God trying to tell you?

It does no good to just talk to Him. You can talk all you want, but if you aren't trying to hear the response your relationship isn't going to go too far. Think about it, do you just talk and talk and talk and never let your husband (or friend or child or boss...) respond? Or is conversation a back and forth give and take kind of thing?

So tonight I dare you, like I did to the seventh graders who thought this was a crazy idea, to turn off the noise-the gadgets-around you and just speak to God from your heart. And then wait. The Holy Spirit is waiting to tell you His plan for your life! Trust me-it's much better than yours. I know from experience.

Entitled me?

2011-12-12T05:53:00.000-08:00

Christmas and I go way back to (gulp) the 70s'. Ok so I was only 9 months old and don't remember that first one too well, but the idea quickly grew on me. It was as close as I came to torture to have to wait to open presents on Christmas morning till after I ate breakfast and my mom took a picture of the stash Santa had left before I came in and tore into the display.

Move onto the teenage years. No more bothering with actual gifts, I got money from my grandparents. I did what any teenage girl in the 1990's who lived a mile from the mall would do. I spent it. On clothes. Lots of them. Just because I liked them. (And partly cause I wanted to fit in, though ironically I didn't, in part because I was so quiet that people thought I was a stuck up snob. I'm sure the new clothes just helped that perception...)

It's not that I was trying to be spoiled or feeling entitled. I didn't buy 2,000 dollars worth of clothes without asking . But I didn't turn much to
thoughts of gratitude either.

For several years now Christmas has been different for me. I gave up desiring gifts for Christmas, instead I wanted to give. I married my husband and was excited to have someone to buy for other than my parents. (Yes, I was a spoiled only child. Don't hate me.) I was also glad to spend so much time with his family, going from place to place, (And there were many. I think now everyone else has grown tired of the "Christmas marathon" as well and this year will be more low key. Praise the Lord!) since mine was so far away.

Fast forward to now and I am repulsed by the thought of what I heard (on the Christian radio station) about the SIX(!?!) year old child who gave his mother a Christmas list that was quite lengthy and had the prices and stores of all the items.

And I feel like buying nothing for anyone because they already have everything. (Seriously, everything! Do you see why I called us all spoiled 21st century Americans the other day? Have we all forgotten what Christmas is really all about?)

And ideas like this grow in my heart more with every passing day.

(P.S. God is so good. Just after I finished typing that I heard someone say what compassion means. It means to suffer with. I suffer with these children, for these children. I want so badly to help and stop their suffering but I can't. (Not alone.) And the same person I am listening to said as I was typing this ps that Jesus did not come to eradicate suffering but to change and redeem its meaning. Now would be a good time to start that post on redemptive suffering that the Padre Pio book inspired. Thanks for that little God moment reminder, Jesus.)

Another few links along these lines...

Re-thinking Traditional American Christmas

When Christmas gets Radical: Whose Birthday is it Really?

How do we change the world?: A Christmas Countdown Challenge

2011-12-09T06:25:00.000-08:00

I have done a lot of reading of news over the last few days which didn't help my depression one bit. The world. is. a. mess! How do we get past this? How do we show people hope? I think I may have found the answer, but you might not like it. (I know there are times, like today, that I don't.) The way to change the world is to....

Change yourself.

Ouch.

I don't like changing. But I am to a point where I see it is what needs to be done. If I want people to take me seriously, I need to do what Matthew Kelly calls becoming "the best version of yourself". It involves change -growth-and I am having problems with that today. I still struggle. Every single day. Days like today, more so than others, but still everyday. I am stubborn and resist change. I kind of wish I could just stay still for awhile. Growth is painful.

As for you, I can't change your minds with anything I write here, only the Holy Spirit can do that, I am just planting the seeds to let you stew on. Over the next ten business days I am going to get down to business and show you some of the ways that I have changed and challenge you to think about them and see if there is anything you can change in your life to make the world a better place. We may not be able to change the whole world, but we can certainly change ourselves and influence those around us and that's a start. Remember what the tag line to this blog is-one mind and heart at a time. The whole world is too big, but one person at a time is do able.

So come back Monday to see how this person has changed in a big way. It gets ugly right from the start with me, Christmas, and entitlement. (And gets even uglier later in the week when I talk about something I am not even comfortable with-redemptive suffering. So yes, I may end up challenging myself just as much as I am challenging you!)

Since it's her feast day and all...

2011-12-08T11:12:00.000-08:00

(*I've been sitting on this one for awhile and thought today would be good since it is the feast of the Immaculate Conception. Also, frankly, I have been a bit off my game this week (sometimes depression still hurts even on meds) and haven't gotten around to writing much yet. But I will soon. The sun is back out and my spirits are up.)

"Why do Catholics pray to Mary?"

This, this is a question that many non-Catholics ask. Probably the one they ask the most. They have asked me. Unfortunately they did so when I was a teenager and had no answer other than, "I don't know." (You can't blame me-I wasn't even sure God existed at the time, so I wasn't up on theology...)

But now I do have the answer. The whole answer. I just learned the last piece of the puzzle recently. Pray in the sense that we pray to Mary means to ask her. As in old English- "I pray thee to pass me the butter." I always knew it is because we are just asking her for things but never had that info to make it make sense to others.

When Catholics say they pray to Mary and saints and angels this is what we mean. That we are asking them for their prayers for us. They are not dead. God is a God of the living and those in Heaven are even more alive than we are. They are also closer to God and perfect in their love. So why not ask them to pray for you, if you can ask me-a still very imperfect human being-for my prayers?

This is called the communion of saints. We believe that they can see us and love us and pray for us. I don't know how it all works and how Mary hears all these prayers at once, I just know that with God all things are possible. I think it has something to do with not just everlasting life, but eternal life. Somehow they are able.

Why would God not want us to all pray for each other? If anything those who have moved on from this world should want to pray for us even more so we can get to where they are. Why should they be cut off from us now that they are in heaven? They should love us even more. The communion of saints is no different than if you think your grandma watches out for you from heaven.

Let's examine the biggie as it refers to Mary. The Hail Mary. I heard Scott Hahn (love Scott Hahn!) say when he was Protestant he thought it seemed like the score was God one, Mary ten. But the rosary is the prayer of the gospel. During each set of Hail Mary's (and one Our Father and Glory Be) we are to think about a different aspect of Jesus's life while we pray these prayers. I am female and can contemplate while saying rote prayers I have known since I was a child. (Though my scattered brain does wander onto things other than these mysteries, but I think God is happy with my efforts to at least try and I am usually talking to Him about everything else I want to say and pray for. I often fall asleep mid rosary and wake up with those darn beads in my hands.)

The Hail Mary:

Hail Mary, full of grace the Lord is with thee (Gabriel's words to Mary at the annunciation) Blessed are you among woman and blessed is the fruit of thy womb (Elizabeth to Mary when little John the Baptist danced in the womb-don't tell me it's not a baby in the womb!) JESUS (See, see not Mary worshippers after all, are we? He's right in the middle of the prayer.) Holy Mary, Mother of God (Who is Jesus? God and she is His mother) PRAY for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.

So you see, we are just asking her for her prayers and not worshipping her. Honor yes. She is special cause she is Jesus's momma, but not the same as the worship due to God alone. We pray to God when we ask Him for things, but we also worship and adore Him just for who He is and what HE has done for us. Even Mary did this.

Why should she pray for us? Because she loves us. We see her as a spiritual mother in the sense that she loves us like a mother would. As my friend said, when she wasn't Catholic Mary was still her mother, she just didn't know it.

Mary's job is, and always has been, to bring people to her Son. It is as she said to the servants at the wedding feast at Cana-"Do whatever He tells you." That is her constant prayer for us now as well.

Because you all know a Christmas card letter from me would be way too long to fit on one page...

2011-12-06T06:12:00.000-08:00

(*I mean really, just look at the title of this post for example!)

If you are coming here because you got a business card in a Christmas card from me: Welcome! Here is a "little" about what's been going on with us this year.

First off we are surgery free in 2011! (For those of you unaware of what a feat this really is for us: 4 people, 8 surgeries in the three and a half years between May 2007 and November 2010. Um, yeah, three of those were c-sections. Which brings me to...)

This is the first complete year since 2005 that I have not been pregnant for part of it. No new babies in this years Christmas picture after one each of the last two years. Though this year we are glad that "baby girl" has more hair and can actually smile. It made for a much cuter pictures than the ones of her sleeping or giving stoic looks.

(For privacy sake on this blog the girl whose name begins with J (but for some reason her brothers have been calling her "B"), is referred to as baby girl (14 months), big D is usually referred to as the eldest(4 1/2), and "Baby J" is usually just "the two year old", though I will need to change that soon (2 3/4). Can you believe he is almost three? If you know me but don't even know their actual names contact me with the info on the card and keep better updated.)

Now that your aware who everyone is...

I began to try homeschooling the eldest with a Catholic preschool program called Little Saints...which I realized he is too smart for. We have been doing all the books but not a lot of the crafts and learning games. As far as sticking to lessons plans go we are complete failures, but we have been working on more important things like respect . The other things will come. On a between Christmas and New Years vacation to grandma and grandpa's (weather permitting of course) I plan to look at the rest of the preschool year and other materials I have and make a plan for moving us more toward kindergarten material. (If I get time to now that I have told you all we are coming that way because I know you will all want to get your hands on these adorable kids.)

The ~~two year old~~ not quite three year old likes to join in with us for the story and finger play time and does about three seconds worth of an art project. He will definitely be our kinestetic learner. That's right, the little heart baby is the most active of them all, and has been since the womb. It is just his personality, but it is a really fun one to be around. He is such a joy so thanks for all your past prayers for him.

As far as his preschool year, he has at least finally admitted to knowing the names of colors. For awhile I was beginning to think he was also color blind.

(Speaking of blind, we had many instances of broken glasses early in the year, but then he lost them for three weeks over the summer and realized they actually did something so now he leaves them alone. Murphy's law, now that we actually have a back up pair he will probably never break them again!)

So I don't think the pre school program is a complete waste and I will probably be able to use it with the other two when they are almost three and four and a half.

For what homeschoolers refer to as "The s word" (socialization) I am trying hard to find things for the eldest to participate in, but there isn't a lot yet for his age group. (Other than running around with kids at moms group.) I can't really take him to the homeschool group I have been invited to yet because it is in the middle of nap time. (He started taking naps again! Blog time, though it should probably be cleaning time...) He did go to two different Bible schools. The very first day being away from mom like that, he said he didn't like how "you lose me".

I also was told he can come to the homeschool swim hour once he turns five even though it is still this school year....which made me realize he would need to learn how to swim! So he started swim lessons in September. He finally just started swimming himself a little this past weekend.

After the first day, the other boy said "I want to go to swimming class" so I signed him up for parent tot I. He loved it! He is now in Parent tot II...and hates it! He does not like that he gets "dunked" more. He will probably be screaming in my ear in a few hours during today's lesson. We have two more and then I think I will give him a break till he is old enough to enjoy it.

Baby girl is growing by leaps and bounds, though you may not notice it. She is still petite physically. (I guess she not only is my mini me in looks, but in size as well.) Mentally she is almost ready to walk and talk but has not yet mastered either. She is very close. She has been practicing letting go and knows how to call daddy and tell off her brothers when they get close to her food tray. I know she knows what we are talking about and how to do certain things she has learned from the brothers. Just last night she figured out how to shake the car that makes lots of noise when you do so. Oh joy. (Mental note to self-glad Uncle Matt said this years Christmas gift does not make noise! He is kind of known for those. Oh, and dad, John said the other grandma already got them a sled. Who needs Santa, really, when you have grandparent's and uncle, a godmother, and about a billion other people who want to spoil them!)

As far as John goes, he has just been busy multi tasking at the church, so much so that for a month he was even playing the role of secretary. Ours had a stroke and he had to figure out how she actually did her job and do things, like pay the bills before the lights went off during the middle of Mass. He is also helping me around the house a lot, probably more than he should be. I need to get my act together-more about that in moment. All of this means that parts of my house, specifically the downstairs where we don't go, will look like my friend Lynnette's kitchen for a little while longer. My friend, who three years ago was ready to nominate me for America's most patient housewife, doesn't get how I can "put up with it". I guess it is because the part of the house we do use is bigger than my bedroom. (Another way I feel better about my house is to remember things like the fact that St. Bernadette's family of six lived in a former jail cell that was only the size of my bedroom and I feel much better.)

As for me, since John is busy doing all these other things, I fired him as my web designer from the blog that actually had pictures (if you want them more than once a year e-mail me and I will send you some) and started this blog, became somewhat of an internet addicted reading other peoples blogs, and am now backing off that and even writing on this one less. All because I went to a little blogging conference called Relevant. (Those of you who knew me in high school-can you believe I actually went into a room of 200+ female strangers and voluntarily talked to some of them? I know, part of me doesn't believe that either.)

That is where your business cards came from. I made them at home so I at least wouldn't feel like a complete geek not having any compared to some of the more pro bloggers there. The reasons I gave them to you were a) because I had a lot of them left over and b)I figured some of you would want to make contact with me more than once a year in a Christmas card. One thing I learned at Relevant is that I think I mistook quantity of friends for quality. But even though I send a lot of cards out you have all been important to me somehow and I would love to keep in contact with you if you want, especially if you are family.

As far as this blog goes, feel free to read as much or as little as you like. Shameless self promotion really wasn't my goal in giving them out, giving you my e-mail and phone number was. But if you are here feel free to leave a comment, I love feedback and community building. I promise I will comment back. Funny, I feel safe here hiding behind my screen with strangers but it was scary to think that people I actually know may be reading and getting to know the real me. It is tough to be vulnerable with those you know in real life. My cards sat done overnight and part of me wanted to rip them apart and take out all the business cards!

So that's what's going on with us, just the same old same old. It's in the little things that happen everyday, which reminds me....if I didn't get to write on your business card that you are free to call or e-mail me any time it is a) because you were at the beginning of the alphabet before I decided this was a good idea (if you at the end I apologize for my penmanship, ironically my second grade teacher who is the last one on my list had something to do with forming my penmanship!) or b) because it is kind of hard to concentrate around here sometimes with things like two year olds running around the table, four year olds in your lap helping with stamps, babies taking cards out of a bag and throwing them around the room, and husbands coming in to tell you the guy who inspected their car really didn't do his job. And I stayed up "late" (11pm) to finish them. (If you knew me in college-do your Saturday nights look this different now?)

P.S. With all of that going on I am horrible proof reader!I also type too fast for my own good and end up with words "liek" "tiem". So excuse any mistakes, I'd correct them all if I had time-or a professional editor... There is a reason my English/Journalism major roommate read all my college papers!

World, are you trying to make my life difficult? (On redeeming Advent)

2011-12-02T11:00:00.000-08:00

It's only taken him four and a half years but I think my son has finally figured it out, at least in part. Our family does things a little bit differently than other people.

We saw other peoples Christmas displays and he starts in with "We need to get a Christmas tree. We need to do this, we need to do that."

I explained that some people put their stuff up early and we have our Advent wreath and will put ours up soon. (Though 20+ days is really not soon to a four year old. I so remember.) Some people celebrate it before Christmas and take their things down right after and that we put them up closer to Christmas and take them down longer after. So in the meantime we can enjoy other peoples.

But, dear world around me, you are not helping me. Does anyone just celebrate Advent any more? Even my own parents wonder where our tree is around the December teens. My husband saw Christmas trees in Home Depot in EARLY October. Thanksgiving is becoming a forgotten holiday, that even my non believing friend, who is not originally from this country so she had no idea what it was till 1998, understands that Thanksgiving should be a sacred time of year for families to get together. It really doesn't help that there are already decorations up at church in the part that is not the actual sanctuary!

I know, most of you don't get the big deal (My non practicing Catholic brother in law didn't have a good answer for what Advent was-Don't get me started on Catholic education in the Kumbya years...), but Advent is supposed to be a time to look forward to celebrating the coming of the baby Jesus at Christmas. We should, in theory, not already be celebrating His birth. We are to be preparing our hearts for Him to come. Even in the first two weeks of Advent the readings focus on, not Jesus coming as a baby, but at preparing for His second coming!

I didn't used to be this way. I didn't understand either. Just few years ago I welcomed Christmas music on Black Friday, but now I agree with a young priest friend of ours and almost feel I should do as him. When people wish him "Merry Christmas" he says something like Happy Late Advent.

Anyway, that's my little rant about Advent. Thanks for letting me get that out there. Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with a little Christmas music here and there (like on the Christian station I listen to who may realize it is not quite time yet) and I will be sending out my Christmas cards soon. I am willing to meet people where they are at. I just wish we could all understand the beauty of Advent better, myself included. I am still learning. That is all.

As far as my son realizing we are different, I know this is just the beginning. Pray for me in my uphill battle against the grain...

The best 10 cents I ever spent. But now what?

2011-12-01T13:25:00.000-08:00

So I read a three hundred page parenting book yesterday. Yes, all in one day. (And yes I got it for 10 cents at the library's used book sale.) I'm weird like that and we have odd family schedules and roles, so it all worked out. Anyway, I am sitting here reading more from the net and trying to rethink how I should handle this whole parenthood thing.

Yep, the book was about how to raise respectful children but covered many different things and a lot of it dealt with the parent being more respectful too. (I am thirty two and a half and learned more communication skills from that book than I have in my life. I wondered which came first-the parenting book or the people who actually follow this model cause I know no one who communicates that clearly...) But it all made a lot of sense.

I think this book fits well with Grace Based Parenting even though it was secular. Just because it is written by psychologists doesn't mean they are wrong. They talked about following the Golden rule. Sure I will look for ways to implement Christian teachings into our family, but I needed this book for the communication skills/logical consequences/civility/anger managment/being encouraging advice it gave. I may be a Christian but I need help acting like one(!) and the advice offered in this book will certainly help. Grace Based Parenting was a good to get an idea of how God sees us and how we should adjust our attitude to see our kids that way but this was the book to show me how to make that play out. (Apparently I am not the only one-it has all 5 stars for reviews on Amazon...)

I just thought I would share here one of the few things this book shared about the Bible. It was in the context of reasons people spank. I thought after this discussion it might be helpful to some of you. Here is what they say about spanking and the Bible.

Under reasons people spank it gave one possible answer as "Because the Bible tells me so."

"Many quote the phrase: "Spare the rod, spoil the child." But these parents don't understand what the Bible meant by the rod. The shepherd carried a stick called the rod and staff. As the shepherd was travling with his sheep, some would get out of formation. He would use the rod- the straight part of the stick-to nudge the sheep back into formation. He didn't hit the sheep; he just nudged or guided them. So, the phrase actually means:"Spare the guidance, spoil the child." The stick that the Jewish scrolls were wrapped on was called the rod. Therefore, "Spare the rod.." could also be translated as : "Spare the Torah, spoil the child."" (pg. 172)

I don't know about you but this explanation resonates with me. While I have spanked my children, it has always been when I am angry. (I fall in the "cause you don't know what else to do" category...) but I never WANT to hit them. Why is it ok for me to hit them to do things like teach them not to hit? I loved the summing up paragraph from the section on why they were against spanking that said "Would you hit your best friend? Why should you treat your children any differently?" (also pg 172)

I also started reading another book about Padre Pio the other night and learned that his parents "seem to have been caring, affectionate parents who believed in sparing the rod and relying on the power of persuasion. Padre Pio remembered scoldings, but never any spankings." (pg. 13 of Padre:Pio-The True Story) If he turned out to be a saint his parents certainly had something to do with it. In fact their family was known as the "God is Everything" people. That's me too. I want to be that caring and affectionate parent and build future little Saints. (Padre, I may been a lot of prayer from you to get there cause I am not quite there yet. Far from it...)

So as for me and my house, we will still serve the Lord, but we are going to be learning some more respectful ways of doing that around here.

(P.S. If you want to see more about this subject and the issue of the Pearls and spanking, you can watch Elizabeth in a showdown with Michael Pearl tomorrow on Anderson Cooper's day time talk show. This non tv (after reading the violence chapters of the book I am so glad we DON'T have tv!) mom is going over to her father in laws to watch!

Rituals, rules, and regulations...

2011-11-29T10:52:00.000-08:00

Ok, I just had to jump in for a quick good girls post. Chapter six-The rule follower? That was (is?) so me! In anything, not just spiritual disciplines like reading the Bible or pray. (I didn't do a lot of that when I was younger, kinda just went to church cause mom made me. Ahem...anyway.) But I knew I had to follow the rules. I didn't want to get in trouble. My mom tells a story about how one time she discovered she ended up with something she hadn't paid for and I told her to take it back-right away. I'd like to say it was because I knew it was the right thing to do, but it was more likely fear based. (Do you see how neurotic un medicated Amy was?)

As for when I got older and got more into this faith thing, I still felt like I had to do the right thing or God would hate me. (But at least I believed He existed again...) I was definitely works based. I had to do the right thing and say the right thing-or else.

For example, take confession. If I didn't say Father forgive me and it has been x time since my last confession I would doubt I was really forgiven. Even if it because I forgot or cracked under pressure or something. Who knows. I just know whatever I did it was not normal as I now know it.

Or when I started doing the rosary? Yep, it was all about remembering the words and I didn't know what was at the heart of it. I felt like I had to start saying it or I wouldn't be "Catholic enough" (whatever that means) like I thought Kimberly Hahn was in her Catholic homeschooling book. How was I to teach my kids things if I didn't do it myself? (Still kind of wondering this in different areas. This parenting thing is tough...) I feared we would be Catholic misfits and kicked out by the home school group. (Not really but that's what it FELT like.)

I have since lost my neurotic self and do my best. God still loves me even if I fall asleep with those darn beads in my hands, rosary only half said or if I never open the Bible but instead just read books that are like little mini Bible studies. (Learned the story of Gideon the other day. Always wondered who he was that all the hotel Bibles were named after him. But really, I learn much better when someone tells a story like that and gives commentary and puts it in context for me.)

The point is, I am doing something. I am trying my hardest, but not because God won't love me if I don't, but because I know He loves me and I want to do my best- for Him.

(In case you hadn't guessed, yes, I am Catholic. For anyone who is interested on the Catholic view of faith and works, I've got a post or two on that. It truly is not works based the way I used to see it. It is the same way Emily portrays it, that once we know we are loved by God we want to be obedient to Him in return. (Just remembered this post. After reading those first two this might be the most helpful. The link to the You Tube clip at the bottom is well worth the listen. Scott Hahn can do this way better than I...

A year later its...

2011-11-28T11:13:00.000-08:00

...me whose changed and not the world. Let me explain. A year ago today I was writing "Pray, hope, and do not worry. Worry is useless." in about a million Christmas cards. I was sure catastrophe was going to strike by now. Ya think I was the one who needed that message more than everyone else?

But today here I sit. The world is the same old mess it always has been (My friend and I talked the other night about how we are sometimes afraid to go out after watching the news!) but it's not in as bad a shape as I thought it would be.

Instead of the world changing as drastically as I thought it would, it's me who has changed. In more drastic ways then I ever thought possible. I am a different person than I was just one short (How did it go so quickly?) year ago. Let's start with the fact that, while I still think things could get really, really bad out there, it doesn't bother me. I am less afraid and more trusting of God. Also, I am more optimistic that maybe, just maybe, He has His hand in all of this and things could not be as bad as I think. (Provided we all start praying and changing the way we live. We have to do our part. Like John the Baptist, I say Repent, which basically means we can't keep doing the same old things and expect different results.) And even if the world all goes south I am sure He has great lessons and good to bring out of the mess we're in.

So let's face it, the world has always and will always be a mess. But God, throughout all of history, has been doing with people, what He's been doing with me this past year.

I think He wants my job here, between now and Christmas at least, to be to help all of you grow too! You may not like me much between now and then because the things I say may be challenging to you. I plan to share some things that may make you rethink how you live your life. If your a spoiled 21st century American (just like me) your not going to like being told that you might (gulp) need to change. (I know I sure don't. And what makes it worse is it usually comes in a challenging thought from my husband and sometimes I just want he and God to let me breath for awhile....)

But I've seen the results and how it's all worth it. So much so that I want to help all of you.

So look forward to some growth this Advent. (Your first challenge- Advent is supposed to be in preparation for Christmas, not already celebrating it...) But for right now, I must stop writing and go back to my challenge of being a better housewife.

(I'm kind of on a roll today-I actually cleaned off ~~all~~ as much as I could chip off of the old dried on food particles on the table legs and chairs. Gross! My husband bought those when he was dating me and was so not thinking about future kid grime at the time...)

Turning off Catholic auto pilot

2011-11-26T12:08:00.000-08:00

So today begins Advent. It also begins a new era. The new translation of the Mass. No longer can people just come to Mass and say the same old thing without thinking about what they are saying. We have to read the cue cards until we learn what to say. I am really hoping and praying this helps everyone think about what they are saying and why they are saying it. The Catholic church in America needs woken up and this may do it. I plan to share some over this Advent about why this change is occurring, the what and why of the situation, to help enlighten all of my readers, Catholic or not, as to what is really going on in the Mass.

Hope your all enjoying your holiday weekend!

(P.S. The next holiday-Christmas -seems to have already begun too. The decorations are popping up all over the neighborhood and my children will be chasing a train for candy at church...)

Winners of Grace Based Parenting

2011-11-25T11:34:00.000-08:00

Well, I was giving away two copies, my own and one from Family Matters. Your chances were really good seeing as only three people entered. And the winners are Amy and Lauren. Congratulations ladies. Just contact me with your addresses to receive your books.

Still enjoy some relaxing post Thanksgiving time getting stuff done around here and going out with a real three dimensional friend for girls night tonight. (Oh, how I wish it were 6pm right now because two little boys are not taking naps...for the second day in a row!) Hope you all enjoyed your Thanksgiving and remembered what it is really all about. Thanks to God for all you have. We as American's have so much to be thankful for but I am afraid we take it so for granted.(Something I learned yesterday...if you own a car you are in the richest 8% of the world. So just think about that the next time you feel like you need more.) The greatest gift of all is the life that He's given you so do as I'm doing for a bit-get off your computer and go live it!

Not to depress everyone right before a major holiday, BUT...

2011-11-23T19:50:00.000-08:00

Wondering where I have been? I have just been sitting around contemplating life (and, sadly, death). And friendship or lack thereof . Did my classmate really know all the people he met? Do I? Or am I caught in superficial relationships? Do I go for quantity over quality?

So far I have come up with the fact that I do because I am afraid to let people see the real messy me or to appear needy or to be told the honest truth about myself, and what I need to change, by others.(Other than my husband who does this even when I tell him not too. I see he is being a true friend but sometimes the truth hurts. I am stubborn and do not want to admit it!)

As odd as it sounds, I am afraid to have a true friend. Also, I have just never had close female friends and while I long for that, and am working at it with several people, it is also scary to have to confront things I don't want to (like confrontation itself!) and to be vulnerable.

So this Thanksgiving I am thankful for the friends I do have and will work on my relationships with them. It starts tomorrow with my extended through marriage family. I have a sister (and brother, even though I have known him for seven years, that I would really like to get to know! Enough superficial, I want them to know the real me and me to know them better as well.

So excuse me if I am absent for awhile while I sort out all my feelings. Blogging is just not in me right now. Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving! (And I hope to not make a habit of this depression before a holiday thing,but so far, my track record isn't the greatest.

Thankful for lessons learned

2011-11-21T11:44:00.000-08:00

As we contemplate the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, I thought I would do one more Relevant post with all I am thankful for since the experience happened. It mostly comes in the form of all I have read. We got lots and lots of goodies. So I am thankful for..

169. Learning about Grace Based Parenting and learning that, in theory at least, I already am one.

170. For Grace for this former good girl.

171. That Grace is (also) for Sinners. Loved this book and the lessons I am learning about how God works through our free will but is still in ultimate control.

In this book I came across a Bible verse I never would have paid attention to about how God allowed Satan to "sift (Peter) as wheat" but prayed that when he came back he would strengthen his brothers. God knew what Peter would choose to do in denying him, but it seems like God gave Satan the power to tempt him to do so. Glad to know Satan can only get away with so much (Even though sometimes it seems like he's in charge, he really isn't. "The world is not as powerful as it seems to be; it's strength is strictly limited." paragraph 1643 of St. Faustina's diary)

172. The next book I read helped me deal with this new found FEAR of Satan and how God actually gives him power. (Remember, Satan is a fallen angel and the angels are much more powerful than we are. So if it were left to me, I would chain him up and give him no power. But I guess God does know how to bring good out of it. He is still way more powerful than Satan.)

In this book I learned about some of the common fears of women and how I have had many of them at one time or another. I am learning to let them go as I learn to trust in God.

173. For the comical relief (at least I haven't super glued my kids lips shut on accident-yet...) and reflections on motherhood from Kristin Welch.

174. For the poetic writing of Ann Voskamp herself and learning what this whole counting of the gifts is about.

175. For the chapter called "What in the world, in all this world, is grace?" that made me ponder. In it, Ann wonders how people can find God in the hard moments of life and realizes that it is all God's grace. It is only by God that we are allowed to have the good moments to begin with. We are still sinners who probably don't deserve as many as we get, but He still gives them to us. The sun rises and sets on the good and bad alike. Even people who don't know God have moments of His grace, at say, a beautiful sunset.

176. For Holley Gerth telling me who I am in the heart of God. I think this one was my favortie one of all. I loved the short devotional style and the simple truths about how much God loves each one of us.

And I think this concludes my post Relevant reading. On to finishing those Christmas cards. Oh why do I do so many. I love blessing people with them but after a while the process gets kind of old.

A few other things I am thankful for in this week of Thanksgiving.
177. Knowing what the true Eucharist is.
178. For a good day at a concert and meal out with our extended family.
179. For a talk that went well at moms group this morning.
180. For all three kids sleeping right now so when I am done with this I can finish getting back on track with our pre-school materials (Yes, we get to make turkeys this week...) and those Christmas cards.
181. For Fr. Robert Barron's Catholicism series. Got to watch a little on EWTN and the whole thing looks awesome. I think it will be our family Christmas gift.

I'm not the only one who still has to learn my lesson, but I still need to as well...

2011-11-19T07:39:00.000-08:00

Last night we were up late and my husband said several times he was going to shut the computer down. He didn't. Then he decided to try one more thing to make the computer work better....and instead made it incapable of being used at all! I think the Holy Spirit prompted him to let go but he didn't. See what happens when you don't listen to God? Big huge messes.

So I am at the library right now with my eldest. We are running a bunch of errands and enjoying some grace based parenting time together.

I also made a mistake. I realize I do sometimes say things I shouldn't but didn't let it on in my post. I just know what I am supposed to avoid saying but am still guilty of doing it sometimes. My attitude is totally against it but sometimes, in frustration, the flesh is weak. I also have made many more mistakes with my actions and body language and tone than with my words, so I know I still need this book. I also still need a Saviour...

I also have had no one even enter to win the book even though it looks like people have read that post. Also got the idea that people may think I am a spammer since I don't have a Twitter picture.

And tomorrow begins the holiday season for me when I go to a concert with my father in law, brother in law and their significant others and then we all come back and take the kids with us out to eat.

All this to say I feel very humbled today and also like God is calling me to take a break. I hope not a long one but it all depends on whether or not my husband can figure the problem out on his own or if he needs to call the nineteen year old from our church for tech support and how long that process takes. But I think right where I am today, with my son, is exactly where God wants me to be. Hope you all enjoy your day wherever you may be.

Grace Based Parenting review and giveaway!

2011-11-18T06:03:00.000-08:00

(*This post contains a giveaway. Leave a comment to enter!)

Oh, how we were spoiled at Relevant. I haven't been around much cause I've been too busy reading all the things from my goodie bag! Book, after book, after book. The copy of Grace Based Parenting interested me right away, as I have been trying to find ways to, well, you know, not be the anger vengeful momma I was before medication. And the one who still yells, and snips, and doesn't always handle things in the best, most loving, manner.

I had not heard of this book. After reading it, I can tell you I am already a grace based parent at heart. (It's actually always following my own advice that's the problem...)

This book was not really about a method of parenting, so much as an attitude. (Sometimes the attitude that you have to lose your attitude!) It will be especially helpful to me once my own kids are a bit older and are struggling with more issues from the outside world.

A lot of the book, to me, seemed to focus on the difference between the legalistic parent, who tries to keep the child in the church by outside rules, as opposed to the grace based parent who tries to grow their relationship with Christ, but allows room for disagreement on things that are more trivial. Outside things that have little to do with the heart of the child. (For example, the author uses the example early in the book that he knew which kids in his youth group had problems and you could not tell which ones they were by the way they dressed.)

The author gives three things that all children need and four ways to go about giving it to them. (I am not going to tell you what they are-you'll just have to read the book for yourself.)

I will give you a small hint though. My husband chuckled at the line I read him, in reference to His response to Jesus in the Garden of Gesthemane, that said "I just can't imagine the Father saying anything like, "A deal's a deal; stop Your whining." (How many of you just identified with that statement? This may be the book for you...) Do we often wish our kids would just stop their whining?

(Here is where I am already a grace based parent at heart. I may feel that way, but I try not to let it on. Sure they see my annoyance, but they will hardly ever hear words like that from me or my husband. Some of the stories in this book broke my heart for the children of parents such as these because I have seen first hand how certain attitudes can weigh in children's sense of self worth. I know I would not have liked to grow up around someone so critical.)

I learned that being a grace based parent doesn't mean you go light on the discipline, it is more in the attitude and manner in which you handle it. Your response instead of a reaction.

To sum up, I think the main point of the book is that our kids mess up, and we know why. They are also in need of a Saviour. And our job as their parent is to point them to Him by treating them the way He would.

My copy of this book came with something special from Family Matters for all of you. The chance to win a FREE copy of Grace Based Parenting. And I love this philosophy so much, that I am throwing in my own copy as an added bonus. That's right-you have two chances to win!

Anybody interested? Just leave me a comment about what reading Grace Based Parenting would mean to you. (This would also make a great Christmas gift for grandparents to give to their children. Hint, hint.) I will leave the contest open until next Thursday at 8pm EST. (The time my kids go to sleep and my husband isn't here and I will actually be able to concentrate on the details of this contest....)

Update: Yes, I just realized next Thursday is actually Thanksgiving (we're very low key this year-for once) but I will still choose to end the contest at that time and announce the winners the next day. Think of it as your first Black Friday deal...

Someday I'll learn my lesson...

2011-11-17T05:05:00.000-08:00

A year ago around this time of morning I made a very stupid mistake-all because I was annoyed with my husband. Today I may be making a mistake by trying to take three cranky children who have been sick to get their picture taken for Christmas cards...but that's a different story. Someday I will learn not to do such stupid things.

In the meantime, many of you weren't around these parts when I wrote about the first mistake so if you want to see what I did and how it made me think about God,you can do that here.

Confessions of a former "good girl"

2011-11-16T07:15:00.000-08:00

(*No I have not gone off the deep end into a life of sin. No girls gone wild moments here...)

No, no this is the kind of "good girl" I am referring too. The kind that feels like she has to perform and get everything just right in order to be loved.

That's right. This was so me. (Ok, I still have brief moments of this, but they are few and far between and are usually when my husband comes home to a messy house and wonders what I did all day...)

I used to feel the need to please. To please people. I just wanted to fit in and be loved. But ultimately I think it all stems from the fact that I could never measure up to God's standards. What-He wants me to be perfect? I fail so much. I had such a warped view of God that I thought I had to earn His love. I thought of Him as a judge just waiting to get me. (Huh, I am sure the undiagnosed "I think everybody is judging me and out to get me" depression and Catholic guilt had nothing to with this. Yeah, right!) It's probably why I stopped believing for awhile. Who wants to believe in a vengeful God that not only allows evil but makes it so He can never be pleased with anything you do?

So how did I get from there to here? Well, lets start off with the fact that I met and married someone who works at a church. I was already learning some on my own, but I learned so much more from him and the priest at our church. (Which I never would have found had he not shown me where it was. It's kind of in an odd place.) I continued to learn more about God on my own. I now intellectually understood but my heart wasn't quite there yet.

Enter the baby with born with an actual heart condition and my trust in God factor had to increase. Greatly. A few months after that (so around this time 2009) I read St. Faustina's dairy....

Yep, that was the kicker for me. I saw, in reading that, just how much God loved, not only me, but every single person, that I couldn't help but overflow with love of Him.

I am so glad for the copy of Grace for the Good Girl that I was given at Relevant. I have finished reading it and can't commit to a weekly link up but I just wanted to stop by to encourage all of you to keep reading and learning about God's infinite love for you. I am sure this book can do the same for many of you ladies as what I read has done for me. Once you realize how much God loves you (yes, you!) you're in for an incredible ride. So hang in there fellow good girls. I will be praying all of you find and rest in the Grace that God freely gives to you.

(I am linking up with my Relevant friend, Christina, from Momma Day by Day.)

Someone help me understand...

2011-11-15T16:31:00.000-08:00

Something came up in my comments last week and I am just trying to understand the idea of the total depravity of man. What does it mean to you? Do you believe people are evil? Or just that we can't do anything good without God's grace? Cause I get that too. Does it always mean we don't have free will? I knew the Catholic understanding was different but couldn't quite explain it so I went and found the answer. Oddly the best answer came from wikipedia...

"Definition of the doctrine in the Catholic Church

Many of the early Church Fathers affirmed the freedom of the will in man, laying the responsibility for whether any particular person followed virtue or vice on them, while also maintaining the need for grace from God in salvation.[6]

Writing against the monk Pelagius, whom he understood as teaching that man's nature was unaffected by the Fall, or at least was only weakened in the Fall, and that he was free to follow after God apart from divine intervention, Augustine developed the doctrine of original sin and, Calvinists contend, the doctrine of total inability. Augustine's views prevailed in the controversy, and Pelagius' teaching was condemned as heretical at the Council of Ephesus (431) and again condemned in the moderated form known as semi-Pelagianism at the second Council of Orange (529). Augustine's idea of "original" (or inherited) guilt was not shared by all of his contemporaries in the Greek-speaking part of the church and is still not shared in Eastern Orthodoxy.
[edit] Objections to total depravity

The Catholic Church maintains that man cannot "be justified before God by his own works,.. without the grace of God through Jesus Christ,"[7] thereby rejecting Pelagianism in accordance with the writings of Augustine and the Second Council of Orange (529).[8] However, the Catholic Church disagrees with the Protestant doctrine of total depravity, because the Catholic Church maintains man retained a free but wounded will after the Fall.[9] Referring to Scripture and the Church Fathers,[10] Catholicism views man's free will as deriving from being made in God's image.[11] Accordingly, the Catholic Church condemned as heresy any doctrine asserting "since Adam's sin, the free will of man is lost and extinguished".[12]

There are some Protestant groups that disagree with the doctrine of total depravity..."

https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Fallen_nature

Oh how I wish you all understood just how special you were in the eyes of God. That He never, ever hates you (or anybody) and wishes all to come home with Him. (Just like the lost sheep or the prodigal son. It isn't just believers who have strayed that he is waiting for but everyone!) God would never, ever, condemn anyone to hell from all eternity. In other words, there is no way He created someone just for the purpose of them going to hell. He loves us so much but we must be free to choose to love Him back. Would you think your husband really loved you if He was forced too? Would you even want him to? Or do you want someone to choose to be your mate because of their love for you?

God gives us all the grace to go to Heaven, we just have to choose to accept it. (Yes, everyone-it's just that a lot of people aren't listening...) And please stop telling people they will go to hell because of their beliefs. As long as they aren't dead yet there is always hope! So my advice is "preach less, pray more". Like St. Augustines mom who prayed for years for her son to turn back to God. It didn't look real hopeful for him for awhile, but it all worked out in the end. There is ALWAYS hope!

(And we will probably all get a lot further if we reserve are judgements and get down to really loving people and seeing where they are coming from.) I want to know where you are coming from so feel free to leave a comment or send me an e-mail.

Cause you know I'm not afraid to speak out on things...

2011-11-11T12:08:00.000-08:00

I found one more issue to speak out on. I had heard about this before but didn't know too much about the details. But last night I couldn't help but read and read (and read) these posts on Elizabeth's site.

If you have never heard of the Pearls, let me give you a few of the basics and my view on them. Basically it seems like they advocate abuse under the guise of "Biblical" discipline. It's very heavy on the "spare the rod, spoil the child" method. Full on beatings with belts and plumbing pipe. They say it MUST cause the child pain for it to work. They even advocate for the spanking of infants.

Elizabeth's point in many of her posts is trying to get us to see that the Pearls should be held accountable for the deaths of children that have occurred by this method. While I agree that the parents have gotten carried away and taken it too far, it seems to me that people who sell a book advocating this kind of abuse should not be able to get away with it.

I think a large part of the problem comes from the mind set that every single little thing in the Bible is to be taken literally. That saying was in the Old Testament. It also says in the Old to throw rocks at those who commit adultery. But Jesus came and forgave the woman who committed adultery. I also highly doubt he would advocate beating your children, when He says how those who welcome children are welcoming Him. So first, just because it says it in the Bible doesn't mean you need to do it.

The second thing this leads me to is that I also think it comes from the Protestant theology about the total depravity of man. The idea with the Pearl's method is that in doing this you are beating their will out of them. Which makes no sense to me because God doesn't even try to beat our will out of us. He is the One who gave us our will to begin with. He wants us to be able to freely choose Him. But some people think there is no goodness in humans (even though God said everything He created was good) and Calvinists go so far that they even say God has condemned certain people to hell. (Which I don't get-if we have no free will and He is going to condem some to hell and choose to save others of His own free will, why would you even need to try to train up your child anyway. What does it matter? Sorry, I just can't understand a mind set that says we have no say on what goes on.) But if you basically believe everyone is just a wretched sinner and you literally need to beat the hell out of them why not use the Pearls method I guess.

My biggest problem with the Pearl's method is the spanking of infants. They advocate doing it to children as young as six months old because they are being "manipulative". Contrast this with my view. A child is an innocent human being. Sure they inherited original sin but baptism takes care of all that and my (almost) fourteen(?) month old has a fresh start. She has no idea what she is doing. She does not have the capability of rational thought, there for she is not capable of sin. At least not of truly understanding her actions. Not even my four year old has that. So how do I handle her "misbehaviours"?

First off, hers are really not on purpose. Again she has no idea what she's doing. Example: She was just an innocent baby sitting in her seat eating lunch today. She decided she was going to spit out her baby food. Not because she hated me and wanted to make my life difficult but just because she was experimenting with making noises. Normal baby stuff. But at the same time it is messy and kind of disgusting...

So I told her that if she spit it again she was going to be all done. She did it again a bit later and I just stopped feeding her. (If your playing with your food your probably not that hungry an ymore anyway.) She may not understand my words now, but some day she will. In the meantime she may pick up on simple cause and effect. When I do x, mommy does y.

As for my boys, who can do a bit more thinking, well that is another whole lengthy post I plan to do sometime next week. I also plan to do another post with my very first give away of copies of the book Grace Based Parenting! So get your comments on why you want to be a grace based parent ready...

Grace

2011-11-10T19:56:00.000-08:00

Working on some posts about grace. All I can say after all I have read/heard tonight is that it is desperately needed...

Paterno, the pope, and priorities (Oh My!)

2011-11-10T12:38:00.000-08:00

It's a rainy day here in central Pennsylvania. My thought is that maybe God is trying to clean us up from the mess that we find ourselves in. If you aren't sure what I'm talking about, the words riot gear and rural Pennsylvania don't come rolling easily off the tongue. (Or keyboard, as the case may be. But I digress...)

Really? People (no offence to be taken, but probably drunk college students #wenttoapartyschool) rioted over the firing of a football coach? I love Joe Pa as much as the next guy -but...

He may have done something wrong. His conscience did not catch up with him and he did not call the police himself instead of leaving it to his superior. Should they have waited to see if he did this and/or more before they fired him? Maybe. But my point here isn't to discuss the details. It is to discuss our emotions and how I think we have our priorities backwards.

It just seems kind of funny to me that the media (and said drunk college students) are more likely to come to the defence of a football coach but to beat up on the leader of the largest group of Christians in the world. Yep, didn't see any riots recently saying they should get off the pope's back. Frankly, you are more likely to see a riot saying he should be thrown in jail. (Glad that whole burning people at the stake thing doesn't happen too much any more.)

Could the pope have known about the sex scandal and not done exactly the right thing? Sure. He's human. Humans can mess up. Sometimes big time. Even the pope. I am not denying there have been bad popes or that I don't know all the fats about this one. We are all sinful people.

But why treat him any different than Paterno? (Who by the way is not a sinless person either, no matter what his role in this scandal. Get it? We all sin, even football coaches. They are not saints yet either.) Why not hold back our anger at either side (anti-pope/pro Paterno) and get all the facts before we react? I don't have all the facts about the pope, I don't have all the facts about Paterno. So it is not my place to judge. It is only my place to pray for all of the victims recovery and for the perpetrators to be held accountable. Now, by the justice system, or, in the end, by God. Doesn't matter to me either way really. It's like that old saying about shooting them now and letting God sort them out.

(Oh and we will be held accountable for every word. Trust me. It's in the Bible, but I am Catholic so I can't tell you exactly where.... But God is also merciful, so for those who wait till the last nano second to repent we have-purgatory! It's how mercy and justice can work together perfectly every time.)

As for the riots? Really? We will riot for a football coach who may have covered up sex abuse? We are more upset about our football record than the fact that children have been sexually abused? That's what really gets to me today. You see I have been thinking a lot about sex abuse recently and how it affects those who are abused. Their lives and worth are much greater to me than whether or not Joe Pa ever coaches again.

Is it upsetting that it ended this way? Sure. But it is not worth that amount of anger. It is a game. That's all. One game, one season at a time vs the rest of somebody's entire life? I choose the life. (I am really running out of teams to root for now anyway after the Notre Dame scandal a few years back... Plus it's kind of hard to watch the game without a tv...)

So that is what I think the messed up priority in all of this is. That football has been made into that big of a deal that people are willing to tip over news vans and risk bodily harm to others all in the name of football. (Any body else think Joe Pa is being held up as an idol? Didn't God warn people about that?)

How are our spiritual lives doing these days if that is what America has come to? I heard it said (by some priest on EWTN whose name is escaping me at the moment) that if Americans paid as much attention to their spiritual lives as we do to sports that this would be a nation of saints and we could convert the whole world.

And this situation proves that statement to me. It seems we care more about football than about the lives of other human beings. (And we wonder why the world is a mess.) This is what America has come to? God have mercy on us.

I think it's about time we all stop caring about the game and only the game and try praying for a change. (And not just for the win.) And for goodness sake stop coming to Mass in your favorite teams gear and hurrying your wife out the church door to see the "big" game. (When did every game become the big game?) Instead try staying and spend some time with Jesus. Please! Or I think the world will soon self destruct and we'll all be seeing Him soon anyway....

P.S. I am going to quit ranting about PSU now and go do other things because I have been learning a lot about my own priorities the last few days and I need to get out from behind this screen and go call a friend. (Though I may have to whisper cause I am still not ready for little people to wake up!)

P.S.S. Priests and football coaches aren't the only ones who cover up child sex abuse...

http://www.lifenews.com/2011/04/13/tapes-show-planned-parenthood-abortion-ctrs-hiding-statutory-rape/

P.S.S.S. Yeah, the more I read the worse it is looking for Paterno. Just heard that the coach who actually caught him in the act will not be at Saturday's game due to threats. Why is he even still there? God's mercy to all those involved.

My head is spinning right now....

2011-11-08T12:29:00.000-08:00

I was going to attempt to write more today but I just can't right now. I talked with my friend and got all the details finally of what was going on with her family and it is one horribly messed up situation that I can't even begin to describe and I'm not sure you would believe me anyway. Just pray for her and her family right now.

Then I opened up my e-mail and found out someone's three year old has leukimia and I think it is the same people who lost a baby last year.

Then I kept reading and actually read everything Obama has done since becoming president to further spread abortion. So, since I can't think of what to write on my own right now, I think I will just cut and paste here the facts from Marjorie Dannenfelser, president of the SBA list. This is just a small portion of her "it's only one year till the election, please send us money" plea. If you are against the killing of children take a good long look at this and decide if Obama is someone you really want to vote for.

"You know what is at stake, Amy. Since President Obama was first elected in 2008, we have watched in horror as the Obama administration has:

Vowed to shut down the federal government in order to protect Planned Parenthood's taxpayer-funded handout which now surpasses over $300 million a year.

Threatened to withhold Medicaid from Indiana after they voted to defund the nation's Abortion Giant.

Defied New Hampshire lawmakers by contracting directly with Planned Parenthood after elected officials stripped the nation's largest abortion provider of its tax funding.

Rescinded the Mexico City Policy resulting in our tax dollars going to organizations overseas that perform or promote abortion.

Launched a horrific assault on the conscience rights of healthcare professionals.

Nominated two pro-abortion judges, Elena Kagan and Sonya Sotomayor, to the U.S. Supreme Court.

And we can't forget the ultimate grievance -- Obamacare -- the biggest expansion of abortion on-demand since Roe v. Wade.

As if it all wasn't outrageous enough, now the Obama Administration -- through the Kathleen Sebelius-led HHS, has revoked a grant received by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) to assist victims of human trafficking.

Why? Because the Catholic Church refuses to refer human trafficking victims for abortions.

Sister Mary Ann Walsh, a spokesperson for the conference, remarked to the Washington Post: "I think it's a sad manipulation of a process to promote a pro-abortion agenda...This was a political decision." ...

You see, by cancelling the grant to the USCCB, the Obama Administration is showing its true colors. While it is willing to shut down the entire federal government in order to protect taxpayer funding of Planned Parenthood, an organization that has shown a willingness to aid and abet in alleged human trafficking of minors, it didn't even hesitate to cancel a grant aimed at actually helping these victims because the Catholic Church refuses to refer them for abortions.

For the next year, it is up to us to expose this unconscionable agenda to the voters. We know the truth is on our side, and we know the more American voters learn about Obama's record, the less inclined they will be to support him in his re-election effort.

Please ( http://e.sbalist-email.org/l.jsp?d=11436.503308.1217.8wNffWyDcAdn7_K9SlTKp-w..A ) http://e.sbalist-email.org/l.jsp?d=11436.503309.1217.8wNffWyDcAdn7_K9SlTKp-w..A whatever you can right now immediately to help us get a jump start in this critical fight for Life.

Thank you in advance for your generosity. We need all hands on deck to ensure that a year from now, we'll be celebrating together a historic victory for unborn children. The alternative is too much to bear. (I agree whole heartedly Marjorie.)

With you in this fight for Life,

Marjorie Dannenfelser
President, Susan B. Anthony List"

So yes, lots of prayer time in the next year. God help us all. Have mercy on us, we are sinners. Please pray for my friends and their families.

Relevant-Day Three: Pride

2011-11-07T10:30:00.000-08:00

Oh my. This is the hard one. To admit to you all that I realized how prideful I still am.... But here it goes anyway.

So Saturday I was in the session about how to talk about the tough issues of social justice without over doing it. Um yes, in the past, I may, just maybe, have over done it. ("No, not you!", you say. "Never.") I then immediately, cause I was sitting right next to her, got to admit this to a person, who was on the receiving end of my many (good intentioned, but, I now realize, overzealous) mass emails in the last few years.

I have also realized that in my over zealousness I sometimes come across as a know it all who looks down on others. I don't actually feel that way, just sometimes I don't come up with the best wording and that is how I come across. So I also went to the session on how to Love Across Divides. Oh the conflicts I have had behind the scenes here. All sorts of things, but one in particular still gets to me. Why?

Because I know this one thing about me is bound to cause conflict and I feel that conflict may have been just the beginning. I am Catholic and many of you are not. This may cause some of you to think that I am not Christian too because of misconception you have about the church I now love so dearly. I hope and pray that I always come across as a Jesus lover above all else. Oh how I wish that all of us who love Him could work together instead of against each other.

But back to my pride. Silly little me, in my overzealousness to "make" this union happen, thought maybe, just maybe, part of the reason God wanted me at Relevant was to help somebody not have theses misconceptions any more. But no, it never came up. Not even once. No one accused me of worshipping the pope. (You may now that you have read this post, but feel free to discuss this issue with me further...) I think it was more my own desire to be known and make the all loving merciful Jesus that I know, known.

(My pride in this area was made all the more evident the next night when my husband and I argued about which direction my dad had taken my son to the bathroom in a restaurant. I knew they went the way I thought they did-I saw it with my very own eyes. In my effort to prove that I was right I upset my mother whose birthday dinner it was-and was angry enough to want to start throwing plates. Note I said felt like it-I did not actually throw plates like in the old days. But do you see? I knew I was right and couldn't wait to prove it to him when we left. Shouldn't I just let these things go.)

So yes, I am sorry because sometimes I am so desperate for others to see things with my eyes of faith that I can come off as a little bit angry or know it all ish . But it is just because I see so clearly what I did not for so long. I know my all loving, all merciful, common sense of how stuff in the Bible fits together if you really study it (read Scott Hahn-'
nuff' said) Jesus like no body's business. The whole Truth and nothing but the Truth. I know many of you know Him, but,oh, if you could only know Him as well as I do now. I think He is so much more than any of you dreamed. He is so much more than I know and the more I get to know, the more I love Him.

(Again, let me clarify. Fear not-this is not a Catholic telling you how much better we are than you. The shame is most Catholics don't know Him this well either. I know-I used to be one of them! In fact, I know a lot of Protestants who know more about Jesus than some people who call themselves Catholic. So all you Catholics out there? Read Scott Hahn too. I promise you will learn something new about the Bible.)

But back to what actually happened at Relevant...

Oh sure, there were definitely moments when I knew God wanted me there to help someone. Like when I was able to share the story of God's divine mercy, as told by St. Faustina to someone who had just lost a young family friend to suicide. Or when I got to talk pro life stuff with the teacher who may now be sharing my friend Holly's poem with her class.

But no, nothing happened exactly the way I thought it would. God is a God full of surprises these days. He never ceases to amaze me. To quote a friend, "He's good like that."

So yes, I made it a little too much about what I could do for Him. Like a little kid saying "No really, I can do it. I can do it! Ooo, ooo- let me!" instead of just letting Him do what He wanted with me, I made it about what I wanted to do. I want to be the one who clears up the misconceptions. But I can't. I too learned that I am not your Holy Spirit. I forgot that I can do nothing on my own, He is the One who makes up for what I lack. I relied too much on me and not enough on Him.

So please just stick with me as I strive to take everything I learned to heart and make this blog even more about Him and less about me.

(Don't worry grandma and grandpa-the cute kid stories remain! I am sure they will do something that will make me see them the way God sees us. As goofy little kids who are still learning. Ones who sometimes get way to excited about things to the point that they (in the case of "Baby J", literally!) shake. ;) I just happen to now shake with excitement over Jesus.)

As for how much I blog? That's the final lesson I am taking away from Relevant. (And a conversation with my husband last night where-darn-he was the one who was right this time.) Maybe I have made this blog more of a priority than it should be. Maybe I can reach more people with close one on one relationships than with many readers who don't really know me. I will still be here but I am not going to make it my only means of evangilization. I am going to meet more of the close by neighbors instead of those of you far away.

You may not notice a difference as I now have Tuesday and Thursday nights as my main writing time. Just know that I will be spending less time behind the screen. Most of my screen time will now come on Tuesday and Thursday nights when kids are sleeping and husbands aren't here. Other than that you may get me for about half an hour each day, checking e-mail and such. I am also going internet free on Sundays. Yes, completely. I did it yesterday and I am here to prove to you that I survived. It is possible. I encourage all of you to reach out to the others closest to you more and on occasion write about it for all the world to see. But trust me, you can't save the whole world with a blog. you aren't anyone's Holy Spirit either. Maybe we will all just have to settle for one mind and heart at a time.

(Sorry this is a bit long, but it took awhile to get that all out. Some the other day and adding in some now, but I should still be right around my half hour of computer time for the day. I am doing well. It's only day one though so wish me luck. If you see me Tweeting at all hours of the day-Tell me to stop!)

Relevant- Day Two: "Joy's" and Sorrows

2011-11-05T09:50:00.000-07:00

Last Friday morning I had the pleasure of meeting Joy, another "heart baby" momma. We shared some quick details of what was going on with our boys. It was so good to talk to someone who understood.

Enter lunch time. I think I am going to have a nice simple meal. Nothing emotional here. So I am eating and a lady from One Verse gets up to speak. She talks about how people to this day don't have the Bible in their own language. To demonstrate the point of why God's word is so important she introduces someone who is going to come up and speak about how God's word was relevant to them. Um, yeah....so it just happens to be Aaron Shust's wife! And then, yes, he gets up there and shares his current (number one!) hit. You know, the one that my friend Holly shared right here.

I turn into an emotional mess. I have just listened to the story of the Shust's son who was not supposed to survive a rare disorder. But I saw him. (In the hallway with his dad before I realized it was Aaron Shust and just thought some poor husband was coming to find his wife. Perhaps he would have been easier to recognize had he kept the long hair? Or, maybe, just maybe, I have inherited my moms luck of seeing famous people and knowing it.) I am now thinking about the memories of having a heart baby and, while so grateful that he's here, am frankly fearful of the future in this moment. (Hearing about little kids almost dying does that to this heart momma.)

What does the future hold? I do not know. All I know is that "My Hope is In You". That's all I have. That's all any of us have. I don't know how people survive without that knowledge.

And then I see the video of the people who did not have that. The people who are watching a video and hearing the story of Jesus for the first time in their own language. Tears again. The joy I saw on their faces. They knew He loved them. And then the sorrow. They were so sad when Jesus died. Oh how I wish we all felt that deep a pain because of our love for Jesus.

Fast forward to dinner time. I am about to sit down with some of my new friends and suddenly, they all move to another table and I get lost and just sit where I am. IT seems to awkward to move. I missed the moment. I then realize where exactly it is that I am sitting. I briefly feel like the little high school girl who doesn't fit in with the pretty popular crowd. Oh my, these are some of the apparent bigger bloggers. I feel as if I don't fit in. Luckily it is short lived. One of them speaks with me and another nice lady asks if the seat by me is taken and we talk.

I then move to the front (by some people I feel more comfortable by) for the evening keynote by Joy of Grace Full Mama. Wow! All I can say is wow. I think to myself "This, this is the reason Relevant had to happen. This is what God wants us to hear." And, oh-the tears. She was crying, we were crying. I heard more sniffing in that room.... (Which my husband said, I believe correctly, would NEVER happen in a room full of guys.) You can read the key note bit by bit on Grace Full Mama. Cry along with us, please. Just know you have been warned to have the tissues handy.

She was so open and honest about how she grew up not fitting in and never trusted women until she had to live in community with them as a missionaries wife. Yes, this sounds kind of familiar. I am still struggling to find that community somewhere. I think I am beginning to find it in my mom's group but the relationships still only go skin deep. There are no sisters yet. And oh how much we all need that community.

Joy also spoke about how we tend to compare ourselves instead of joining together. She called us to become an on line community who, instead of comparing and judging each other, needs to join together and show the light of Christ to the world. We need to see past our differences (as one of three, maybe four, Catholics in the room I am feeling this one) and focus on what we have in common. She is so right, that is what it is all about. It is all about Him and not about us anyway.

To everyone who write the blogs, keep on keepin' on. To all of you who read them? Hang in there with us. Don't think we are better than you. We aren't. We just know the One who is the best of all. We love you and want to show you the love we have received. That's why we blog. So read and enjoy and find Him.

We closed the evening with a concert by Christa Wells and Nicole Witt. They sang a new song about being set free. Free from sin in Christ. Again I am crying: tears of joy and sorrow at the same time. Joy for how I have found it and sorrow for everyone who has not. Again, that is why I blog-to help you find it.

P.S. (TMI warning, but while the emotions I felt were real I am sure that all the crying had NOTHING to do with the fact that it was a certain time and I just didn't know it yet.... ;) )

How does God see you?

2011-11-04T13:24:00.000-07:00

In the exact same way I just saw my 13 month old daughter when she woke up from her nap. One who I couldn't possibly not love, no matter how many times she throws up on me. (Luckily she did not just do that, I'm just sayin'.) But isn't that what we do to God sometimes? Throw up all over Him and His gifts to us? But He loves us just the same.

Relevant - Day One: You can't judge a blog by it's cover...

2011-11-04T06:39:00.000-07:00

A few years ago I was unable to attend my ten year high school reunion. I wasn't being anti -social. Really. I just didn't think it was a good idea to take a five week old (who barely learned how to breastfeed to begin with!) on a five hour car ride. So what did I do to connect afterwards? I checked out the MySpace (Is MySpace even still around?) page they had made for our class. And I noticed a few funny things in the pictures from the event. The skinny people had become fat, the fat people skinny. The nerdy people un-nerdy, the popular people-nerdy. You get the idea.

So last week I went to Relevant and though I had never met these people before, I had somewhat the same experience based on peoples Twitter avatars and profile pics. People who looked tall were short, those who looked short were tall. The old looked young and the young looked older than I thought they would. Again, you get the idea. It was an odd feeling to not recognize people who you think I should cause I had seen their pictures after all.

But what I learned immediately is that it didn't matter what anyone looked like. Skinny, not so skinny, in fashion or not, we all had something in common. And that bond of being sisters in Christ is what made the relationships that formed there. I got to pray for a dear new friend for healing in her family and it felt so good to be there for somebody in their struggles. In person and not just over a computer screen!

Also, everyone was so friendly and did not judge each other. I think the thing I learned was that everyone, no matter what they looked like or how big their blog was, has had their own struggles with insecurity and feeling the need to compare themselves to someone else who "has it all together".

Guess what? Big surprise here, none of us do. No, not even me. So don't think I do. If it seems like I do, you don't really know me. (Or any other blogger you read for that matter.) You only see a small portion of the struggles and pains, joys and sorrows that we go through. We really all are people, just like you! And we all have our own story to tell. I just happen to write mine down for the world to see on occasion. Your story is just as important and I would love to hear it.

What I learned is that I don't want to be a big time blogger. I want to have a relationship with my readers and not have to feel guilty about not being able to answer all my e-mails. (So far this is definitely NOT a problem.) Just know, that if you ever read anything here that you have questions on or want to talk to me about, you are free to do so. Just leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail. I would love feed back on what you think and would even be open to guests posts or guest posting for others. I think we are all in this together. Why?

Tomorrow-more about the community that developed there and a call to action I saw for us to join together to be a light in the darkness.

This feels so good!

2011-11-03T17:16:00.000-07:00

I am about to sit down and write out all my thoughts from Relevant. I have not been doing so all week, because well, I haven't been feeling good. So I have just been getting some extra help around here and basically sitting around reading books given to me at Relevant. (Lots of grace-Grace Based Parenting and Grace for the Good Girl) Lots to process. Also, I have been to two birthday celebrations (my mom and my husband) and to meet up with a bunch of moms in person this morning. And I am wondering if God isn't calling me out from behind my screen to do that kind of thing more often. Relevant was great and all but I was so busy meeting lots of people that I feel like I really didn't get to know anyone. Maybe God wants me to get to know my friends who are right in front of me a little better. Also, I have had to take a good hard look at myself and how I do things. So I am thinking this husband free Thursday time might be one of the only times I get to write. I need to be a wife and mom (and unfortunately, better housekeeper!) first. Tsh, from the Simple Mom said it all for me when she said "Your blog will only be as good as your marriage." So that is what I did today-went out with my husband on his birthday and really talked to him. It's actually much more enjoyable, way less writers cramp. I am just getting so chatty, even in person. Don't worry-I'll still save a little bit of my wordiness for you all! Looking forward to sharing with you what I learned.

So there's a blog party tomorrow....

2011-10-31T18:28:00.000-07:00

And I don't even want to blog! Still worn out and processing from Relevant (and then hanging out with family and celebrating my mom's birthday.) Relevant was relevant in ways I thought it would be, but not in some other ways I thought it might be. Overall, God was there and it was a great experience. I definitely saw the moments that I was in the right place at the right time and knew why God wanted me there-to be there for others. I also learned much and know He wanted me there to learn about Him. (And, sadly, about myself and, oh, how far I still have to go.) I am one tired momma who is going to retire and read a book from my goodie bag about grace based parenting. It is surely needed in this house. (Instead of the "You get in here right now or else!" type of thing I did about an hour and a half ago...Love it when daddy isn't here at bedtime.) I have working titles for posts about each of the three days of Relevant and know I could share so much more than those three specific ideas floating around in my head. But one thing I learned is that I need a little break! Specific things (like sleep) need to be worked on. So if you don't see me around for a few days, don't worry-I'll be back. I promise!

I'm going to link up with this party tomorrow, so if your here "Just because" I look forward to sharing more with you, so stick around for more, and in the meantime you can go back and read the old stuff to get to know me. (And how I probably really need to work on my grammar!)

Blog bash 2011!

2011-10-26T11:04:00.000-07:00

I am joining in with Courtney's Blog Bash even though I am going to Relevant because, well,, I just can't resist a good blog party.

I don't know what to tell you about myself other than I have been married for five and a half years and I have three kids age four and under. Yes, you read that right, three four and under. I had to stop that lady taking my kids info at the doctors office today because she was ready to move on to the next thing after hearing the dates 07 and 09, but, no we also added a 10'. And no, we were not trying for a girl. It's just that I have always loved kids and now love being mommy. (Though frankly, I am kind of glad to get a break away from the kids for a few days...one that doesn't require a hospital stay for c-section recovery which has been my only extended break for almost four and a half years.

I love to read and I now love to write. I love writing about God. I am consumed with thoughts of God all day long. The more I learn about Him the more I want to share. There is definitely a difference between knowing about Jesus and actually KNOWING Jesus. And not that I know I can't Not share about Him. I am an "upside down" blogger at heart, so, ultimately when you come here you won't hear much about me, except when the mundane details of my life show Him. (With the occasional funny kids story to appease the grandparents! They live five hours away and are coming on Friday to help watch the kids so daddy doesn't have to go it alone the whole time.) I do blog a tiny bit about marriage and family and home schooling and hope to do so more in the future. However, we are entering month three of home pre-school and still have not quite gotten our act together, but when I am done with this I am off to organize that and try and find K materials for the kid who is too smart for pre-school!

I also live with depression. I have been told that's an amazing story, but you'll just have to read about it yourself. The newest piece of the puzzle to the complicated mess that is Amy is that gluten intolerance may be the source of all my whoa's. (Did I spell that right? (No, wait it's woes!)

I should also mention here that I am notorius (see I don't even know how to spell that) for bad spelling and grammar. My regular readers have hopefully noticed at least some change since the addition of spell check recently. (Which still tells me I spell blog and mommy wrong for some reason.) But as I look at the screen I see oh so many red marks right now. That's the other thing, I type way to fast for my own good and spend hardly any time proofreading. Remember, three kids four and under. The only reason I am sitting here right now is that daddy is home and two out of the three of them are sleeping! (And my editing process was just interrupted by the call that the baby had a poopy diaper.)

So I am off to go finish getting ready for Relevant. I will be there, but I hope the rest of you enjoy the videos and live feeds. It's going to be great!

No time for...

2011-10-25T11:27:00.000-07:00

The ideas in my head to come out on the keyboard. Maybe tonight after I put kiddies to bed early while hubby is at church. (They are not napping now so they may need it....) So agian I leave you with more St. Faustina quotes. (Seeing as I just foudn them this morning when I cleaned out my diaper bag. I kind of had to. My daughter took everything out of the bag.)

"All that is beautiful in my soul is yours, O God; of myself, I am ever nothing."

"All hardships and fatigue are as nothing when I think that they reconcile sinful souls with God." (Ah, the power of redemptive suffering. Can't say that I am quite there yet on the "As nothing" front. I still complain about it quite a bit.)

"My goal is God...and my happiness is in accomplishing His will, and nothing in the world can disturb this happiness for me: no power, no force of any kind." (This is my goal as well and how I feel.)

"If you read the news you misinformed"

2011-10-24T13:15:00.000-07:00

Said by Mark Twain. Just heard about the reports that the pope is "to the left of Nancy Pelosi." Um, not quite. Consult this article and the comment from it that I quote at length. It was written TO the pope-not by the pope. Just because some liberal Catholic said it doens't make it true!

http://blog.acton.org/archives/26865-vatican-economic-analysis-incomplete-says-gregg.html

"Very well said. Although I am entirely disappointed how the timing of this release is not being discussed. Specifically we see manipulation of the news to prop up the OWS protests, and I find this no different. The mainstream media is also painting this statement as coming directly from the Pope when in fact it was written TO the Pope. The Catholic church is being politicized by progressive Catholics and I think we need to stand against it. I have heard Pope Benedict speak out against the misrepresentations of this document and it bewilders me that he would accept this report as something fit to come out of the Vatican. Regardless, the damage has been done. People will again bash the Catholic church, the Pope, and G-d in general. There will be another mass exodus of Americans away from Catholic churches and our decline will continue faster than before. Now the Catholic church is no better than the Neomarxist hippies protesting on wall street, and no one will stand up to say that is not right."

Writer's block....

2011-10-24T11:51:00.000-07:00

For once I have nothing to say. Getting to excited about Relevant I guess. I will leave you with a St. Faustina quote for the day because those are always good.

On sanctification and humility...paragraph 1761 Words of Jesus to St. Faustina
"This firm resolution to become a saint is extremely pleasing to Me. I bless your efforts and will give you opportunities to sanctify yourself. Be watchful that you lose no opportunity that My providence offers you for sanctification. If you do not succeed on taking advantage of an opportunity, do not lose peace, but humble yourself profoundly before Me and, with great trust, immerse yourself completely in My Mercy. In this way, you gain more than you have lost, because more favor is granted to the humble soul than the soul itself asks for."

In other words, God is pleased when we try to do well and please Him, but He forgives us when we mess up as long as we are humble enough to admit that we did and that we need His help even more.

Just saying hello...

2011-10-23T11:14:00.000-07:00

I am kind of just enjoying a lazy Sunday. The eldest is out with grandma and the husband and two youngers are sleeping. I just wanted come on and say hello and tell you all a quick little antecdote.

I was reading something about inter faith dialouge and then my husband and I were having a discussion. I said "Forget inter faith dialogue, we need inter gender dialouge." Just thought you all might appreciate that. Hope to finish my reading soon and it gave me a great idea that may or may not pan out while I am at Relevant. We shall soon see what the future brings.

I may not be around much until Relevant is over. Tomorrow is mom's group. We are going on a hay ride and playing with pumpkins! Tuesday is an evening play date, and then Wednesday it starts Relevant time. Hope to be back with you all soon after that to tell you all about it!

If only we had known...

2011-10-22T07:23:00.000-07:00

That what began seven years ago today, on my husband and I's first date, has ended with us here today with three kids (one of whom is running around like a maniac. It is a good thing I am about to take him to his swimming lesson.), a construction zone house, and me as the swim/ homeschool mom who has to run kids to swimming class and take library books back and get a prescription all before I don't even know what time cause said husband wants to run other errands before church and all of this means these are the only (I hope) coherent thoughts you will see from me today!

And you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way! It is all worth it!

Why "Relevant"?

2011-10-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

What was part of the reason that I wanted to go to Relevant? Because of what it is called. I felt like I was just starting out in my more public blog and I wanted to be, well, relevant. I didn't want to just be white noise in the background. I feel like people don't see why God is relevant to their lives. Today I will share with you a post I have shared with others who don't seem to see how God can make a difference in their lives. You'll learn a little bit more about me and how I got to where I am. The story is really about why God allows evil, but it shows my story. Look for where the word relevant is placed in it and you will see why I share this with others who don't see why God is relevant to their lives. In case you miss it it's because I did not see why He was relevant to me... (Those of you have seen this before, excuse the repost, but I have a 4 year old who is too smart for me and I must figure out what to do with him next...)

Why do bad things happen to good people? (originally posted on personal blog July 17, 2010)

It's a big question. In fact it's probably one of the biggest questions people can ever ask. Have you ever asked it? I know I have, especially when I was younger. But I can tell you I think I've now found the answer!

First off, God doesn't cause evil. But He loves us so much that He gave us free will and people choose to do evil. Second there are also fallen angels who try to lead us into evil. (Yes, the Devil is very very real, take a look around you and then try to prove to me that he doesn't exist.) Third, original sin brought in the suffering and death part but God had a plan to eventually take care of that.

So I guess the real question is "If God doesn't cause evil why does He allow it?" The answer is because He knows how to bring a greater good out of it. Think of the worst possible sin you could ever imagine. What do you think it is? Abortion, adultery-what do you think it is?

Fr. John Corapi from EWTN put it this way and it makes a lot of sense. The worst possible sin ever committed is deo-cide, creatures killing their Creator. Our sins put Jesus on the cross. (All of our sins, but there were people who were physically there who had to carry it out.) But what came out of this worst possible evil? The greatest good-the redemption of the world.

Ok, so maybe you don't believe that really happened or don't understand what all that's about. Let me give you a more concrete example from my own personal experience...

September 8, 2001: Amy refuses to go to church with her mother. Mother gives daughter talking to about faith. Daughter doesn't see how it's relevant to her, she just doesn't feel like going. She's depressed cause -oh whoa is me- she has just graduated from college and come back from summer camp counseler job and doesn't know what to do with her life.

September 11, 2001: The most unimaginable thing has happened. Mother and daughter are watching replays on tv. Mother shows righteous anger toward people who did this. Daughter thinks to her self at that moment that there must be more to life than this-all of this hatred.

September 16, 2001: Daughter goes to church. Church is PACKED like never before. (Apparently I'm not the only one here searching for answers...) Daughter goes to confession and starts on the path that has led her to where she is almost nine years (has it really been that long?) later.

I was already starting down the path in other ways but my point in bringing up this particular part of the story is to show how something incredibly evil was the catalyst for me to further change my life. And how many other people are there out there like me who had that event wake them up? How many of those people who normally didn't come to church till September 16th are still going to church today because of what happened? They were there searching for answers and found them all because a couple of people decided to fly air planes into buildings.

God didn't want those people to die on September 11th. But He gave the people who brought it about the freedom to do so. And He brought about a greater good from it in me and hopefully many other people who were open to His grace.

So all I'm asking here as you read is that you be open to God's grace to take to heart what I'm saying and really think about it. If it leads you to where it's lead me you'll be much happier for it. Looking back on my life before that point and after I wouldn't go back for anything. I'm still scared sometimes about the future but I trust so completely in God now that there isn't much that can shake me at this moment. Those moments of fear are fleeting. I just have to take a moment to remember whose really in charge and then I am back to feeling at peace. I just feel this peace at all times now. (Ok maybe there is a momentary laps now and then when one of my children breaks into the peace by doing one of the insane things kids do because they don't know any better. But even then I just take a moment to remember that they don't know any better and I'm over it.) And I wish that peace for all of you and that's the reason I do this blog. Not to preach my way as the right way but to lead you to that peace. I hope you all can find it some day.

Straight from my bible to your computer: Phillipians 4:4-7: Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice! Your kindness should be known to all. The Lord is near. Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the PEACE of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Exactly-it makes no human sense to feel at peace. (Have you looked at what's going on in this country right now? It's on fire. Ok so these are the things that come in to disturb my peace but I'm trusting that the peace will stay no matter what happens.) But I do feel at peace even though it can't be explained. Trust me-it's a wonderful place to be and I hope you can join me here.

Complete and utter brokenness

2011-10-20T17:59:00.000-07:00

Yep, I am kind of off my game this week, aren't I? I haven't been around much. I have been doing other things (like trying to figure out how to teach a kid who is too smart for the pre-school curriculum I bought for him and actually cleaning my house.) and enjoying it.

What I do not enjoy however is doing things like, oh, reading the news! It's kind of scary out there. And depressing. As time goes on I hear so many stories, not just in the news, but in everyday life,of, you guessed it, complete and utter brokenness. Lives broken by sin.

Divorce, murder, abortion (Oh wait those last two are the same thing), abuse. Loss of reputation due to gossip. Lies, lies and more lies-All they cause is trouble.

I have been hurting this week because something horrible has hit the family of a friend who is quickly becoming that sister I was missing. Something so completely evil that even I am having a hard time forgiving it. And I am becoming probably one of the most forgiving people you are going to come across.

But at the same time, the loving side of me that has taken over must forgive because I hurt for the people who are so broken that they feel the need to do such evil things.

How can I forgive such evil things? Because I love people. I love because He first loved me. I love people the way God loves them. I see them the way He does. As His children who are lost without Him. Please pray that all those who are far away can find their way back to Him.

Top ten things my Relevant roomie (If I had one!) should know about me...

2011-10-18T04:41:00.000-07:00

That's right, I am going to Relevant in just over a week. As you may guess from the title of this post I do not, however have a room mate. But if I did here is what they should know. And all the rest of you coming should know it too.

By the way I linking this with Brooke and Erin and also with cause I figured it was about time I did one of those.

1. ) You would be glad to know I do not snore. At least not any more... At least my husband hasn't mentioned it... But when I was younger? I found my friends in their living room instead of the bedroom with me in the morning because they just couldn't stand the noise.

2. I just found out I am gluten intolerant. So I am not used to eating the gluten free diet yet and I may want to steal your food dessert... (Though the gluten free cake my friend made was pretty good, I just don't know if they will have nay at Relevant.)

3. I am kind of an introvert. I need time away from people. I am also a recovering shy person.

4.But at the same time I think I am becoming more extroverted. I may end up talking up a storm. At this point it is a toss up.

5. If you do want to talk to me try to get me one on one. I do much better that way. I tend to get lost in group conversations.

6. I live with a condition called atypical depression and am much better on medicine. Though I have only been taking it for two years and sometimes it doesn't cover everything so I still notice my speech stops mid sentence sometimes. I notice it, but you may not. Also I may still not be the best communicator in person. I have always been better with written words. My pastor said I seemed like a totally different person on my meds, but one that he knew was in there cause of how I could write. So this is just a little about me in case I do weird socially inappropriate things like stare off into space instead of maintaining eye contact with you..

7. I just realized I should probably not steal your dessert even if I could because I need the extra calories like a hole in the head. I had three kids (via c-section-Can you say ouch?) in just over three years so I am still carrying around some baby weight. (Um, the youngest is thirteen months. I think it is just chocolate weight at this point...)

8. I used to be skinny cause I was young and just did things for fun (like swim, play basket ball, dance).Now I chase kids and don't have time for more "real" exercising except the few times I have squeeked in swimming at the community center recently. So yeah, that's about all the exercise I can do. And I don't think the three little girls who jump on the trampoline next door would want me to come invade their play time.

9. I have never been that into high fashion. I am usually a t-shirt and jeans kind of girl. (And the dress I tried on last week showed that any high fashion I still might aspire too will not work any more because of the afore mentioned weight. Cute little black dress = made for somebody with a flat stomach. I used to have one of those....)

10. Even though I keep mentioning it, I'm not to self conscious about the weight actually. I just don't know what else to tell you! It's just where my mind went today. (Has anyone noticed my blog can be very stream of conciousness at times?) I am just kind of myself and have given up on caring what other people think. (Now I only care what God thinks.) Others are either going to like you or not and you can't really do anything about it. I think I forgot to mention that part of the whole depression thing was that I always thought everyone was judging me-when they probably weren't. Now I don't think anyone is judging me, and if I do it is probably because they are. And you know what? I see now that the problem is not with me but with the judger. It is such a freeing feeling!

(Anyone who reads this today, would you please say a prayer for my friend and her two daughters and their extended family. They could really (I mean really) use some prayers today!)

Just thankful

2011-10-17T11:46:00.000-07:00

That's right for once I have nothing more profound to say and I will just give you a few things I am thankful for this past week.

156. I last left you with me breaking a record of spacing between children. (It will be at least 21 1/2 months) I am thankful today for my friend who set her own record-number five is coming at 19 months spacing. She will have five five and under.
157. I am thankful for my other friend who is helping me figure out this whole gluten thing.
158. And for getting to hang out with her yesterday and a beautiful fall hike. (And at what turned out to be a former diner, as my husband remembered it, turned slightly fancy restaurant and our kids not making too much of a disaster out of it.)
159. And that we get to go to her house tonight for dinner and I don't have to cook. (Ha, my husband is still not letting me touch the pans but he has no time to do it so it would more likely be ordering out.) At least I know it will be gluten free...
160. That the two year old just went poop on the potty!
161. That the four year old has not gone poop in his night time diaper for a long time. (Till this morning, don't know what happened there.)
162.For the wonderful people from Relevant who helped me figure out the minor detail or eating the gluten free diet while I am there.
163. That Relevant is a little over a week away!
164. For all the wonderful people I have connected with so far.
165. And all those I hope I will still get to meet.
166. For the cute two year old voice upstairs.
167. For the fact that at least the baby is taking a nap.
168. For fall. I love fall!

The numbers don't lie

2011-10-16T08:21:00.000-07:00

Planned Parenthood Marks 95 Years as Biggest Abortion Biz | LifeNews.com
http://www.lifenews.com/2011/10/13/planned-parenthood-marks-95-years-as-biggest-abortion-biz/

The numbers don't lie. What is Planned Parenthood really all about? (Never mind that it was started by someone into eugenincs to get rid of inferior races and still targets them to this day...)

P.S. This is an odd follow up to my last post. It is not that God won't be merciful to all those involved but it might just be better to not be involved in abortion to begin with...

Reason's I am pro-life

Love and mercy itself

2011-10-16T07:27:00.000-07:00

This is the message that Jesus gave to St. Faustina and I now give to all of you. Use today to contemplate this and how much God loves you!

Paragraph 1074 of St. Faustina's diary: This is what she heard from Jesus while in adoration.

"Tell the world about My mercy and My love.

The flames of mercy are burning me. I desire to pour them out upon human souls. Oh, what pain they cause Me when they do not want to accept them! My daughter, do whatever is within your power to spread devotion to My mercy. I will make up for what you lack. Tell aching mankind to snuggle close to My merciful heart,and I will fill it with peace.

Tell all people, My daughter, that I am Love and Mercy itself. When a soul approaches Me with trust, I fill it with such an abundance of graces that it cannot contain them within itself, but radiates them to other souls."

I feel like I have that grace and hope I am radiating it here! Happy Sunday friends!

It's little things like this...

2011-10-15T17:43:00.001-07:00

http://www.lifenews.com/2011/07/11/abortions-at-planned-parenthood-done-in-record-numbers/

That make me not believe anything Planned Parenthood has to say.

Stepping back...

2011-10-13T19:27:00.000-07:00

I don't know what's up here. Maybe I have writers block or something. Other than some minor editing I haven't written a blog post since last Thursday other than to say today that I did not have one. I have been having too much fun Tweeting. Way too much fun. I need to stop...because I don't want to be THAT mom. The one I was reading about this morning in Parenting magazine while waiting at the eye doctors. The one who gives her kid a hand gesture instead of eye contact when they come to the car because they are busy checking their e-mail. Or the one pushing the swing and checking the phone. I have seen those moms at the park.

The article was all about boundries for kids and technology, but had lots of ideas for the moms and dads too. (And also how kids are losing the ability to communicate. We have no tv and very little screen time for our kids so I am guessing they will be the only "normal" ones around, though normal is debatable around here.) We need to be the example of how to not text while driving or they will do it too. So I need to make boundries. For myself and my family.

I want to be engaged with my kids. I am just not sure how because I, until the last couple of years, never really connected with anyone. I was depressed and I didn't make eye contact with people due to my bio chemistry.

So I am new to this whole connecting thing but I have some ideas. (It might have been a good idea for me to start by putting down the magazine and engaging with the kids, huh?) And, you guessed it, getting out from behind the computer screen.

The oldest is ready for more school than I have been giving him. He also needs his mommy....he's the one who had the depressed mommy for half his life. Oh how I regret that he saw so much anger from me but I literally could not help it. Now I have the whole throwing things past peoples heads thing down but I still get snippy. I need to extend more grace. (I wrote down some ideas for that from a blog post!) But now I need to stop reading them as much and just stick to writing them -at least some of the time-but maybe not as much as you are used to. I need to work with the little boy who is now angry himself... (I am kind of hoping the gluten free diet will help him not be so irritable. I have heard it may have an effect.)

At the same time it makes me sad because at the same time this blog is growing. My views per day have almost doubled in the last two weeks. New people are reading and they say I have lots of good things to say. But I have said so much already , so there is stuff to read while you wait for me to do more! (Plenty, I have diareha of the keyboard. God gives em ideas, I draft in my head and just type them out. Then spend just as much time trying to proofread. Yes, I really try to do that, but my time is limited. I now have spell check-can you see any difference yet?)

I have been having so much fun reading about people going to Relevant. So much so that I now want to meet EVERYONE! But I can't-there will not be enough time for that. So I give up my list of who I want to meet and go for whoever He wants me to meet. For our paths to cross each other and you to learn from me and me to learn from you. It's all about Him and not me anyway. If I don't get to meet you, know that I enjoyed reading your story. I also added my phone number to my business cards cause after meeting in real life, the phone will seem like settling. Any of you are welcome to call me any time cause I am the master of multi-tasking on speaker phone. But it is much harder to drag the screen around with me while I fold laundry...

So there you have it. I hope to see you again relatively soon once the ideas start returning to my head. But I think tomorrow is a complete computer break.

I am doing my job today!

2011-10-13T10:25:00.001-07:00

That's right, just on here to take care of business for a few minutes and then I am actually going to spend the day doing all the things I didn't yesterday. (Or the day before that or the day before that.) I will be unplugging a little more frequently from now on. Tomorrow I plan to tell you why. (This is if kids are cooperative in going to bed tonight and I get to enjoy husband free Thursday in peace.)

P.S. If you also want top say a little prayer for me I am a little sad today and missing our little Sarah Eve after reading too many stories about miscarriage and stillbirth yesterday.

You also might be interested...

2011-10-12T11:10:00.001-07:00

In what really goes on in China.

http://pop.org/about/our-president-803

Think Planned Parenthood is doing good?

2011-10-12T10:52:00.001-07:00

You might want to read this article and get the facts. Focus on the part that says all the services they provide can be done some place else-except abortion.

http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/planned-parenthood-clinic-claims-its-doing-sacred-work

Angels (and Demons) What do we really know about them?

2011-10-12T10:39:00.000-07:00

Angels (and Demons) What do we really know about them? is the actual title of the book I read last week. The day I told you it came in fact. (Yes, in one day-not even a day-I am a crazy fast reader like that.) But, seriously, I could not put it down. If you are curious at all about angels, this book is a must read for you. It is well written, in an easy to read (often humorous) question and answer format. Kreeft makes sense of a sometimes difficult subject to understand. 90% of the book is not his own but what he learned from others, mostly St. Thomas Aqaunis-"the angel doctor".

I underlined a lot and plan to share some of it with you. (Maybe on those days when I don't have time to write a "real" blog post, due to my new Twitter addiction...ahem) Not necessarily about angels even but just good food for thought stuff.

Anyway, here are just a few of the things I learned to give you a fore taste.

First some good news "Possession is rare and happens only to those who are asking for trouble by violating God's essential safety precautions such as his severe prohibition against the occult." Just gotta say it-Hitler was into the occult. Explains a lot doesn't it?

Angels can in fact act on bodies, such as when Mother Angelica felt an angel lift her from the path of an oncoming bus, but it is much more rare so don't count on it. It is not exactly like those guardian angel commercials that my husband laughs at so much. (We have seen TV before, even though we don't have one, for those of you who were wondering....)

Demons influence us by inspiring fear, perverting God's revelations or deceiving us with false ones. The devil appears "as an angel of light". (2 Corinthians 11:14) Again-just gotta say it-Muhammad and Joseph Smith saw angels, but this does not exactly bring unity to the religious world...

Demons can also tempt us through imagination or feeling. Occasionally they can move matter , but that is even more rare. (Thank goodness-I do not want to have my bed shaken in the middle of the night, a la Emily Rose.)

So, yes, this is just a small taste of the things you can expect in this book.

Also, Peter Kreeft has lots of great one liners like this.

"And, of course, humans are superior to animals. If you doubt this, you'd better stop eating fish or start eating humans."

P.S. After reading this book we came to the homeschooling lesson with the story about Jonathan the guardian angel whispering loving thoughts to his liltte charge, Little Christian. Your angel-everybody in the world has one-can talk to other people's. (It's in the book, but I already knew this. They communicate through mental telepathy, which makes sense seeing as they don't have bodies and all.) I think I will be having mine talk to my sons a lot more from now on to get him on the ball with this loving thoughts thing.

Also, last night was the book group I read this for an much was discussed of peoples personal angel related stories. (More was said about that than about the book itself.) All I can say is, whoa, they are real. Next time we talk about the demons though and I may be as scared as with our conversation with friends after watching Emily Rose, which was more scary than the movie-again cause it was real. You may think all of this is a bunch of hogwash, but is way more real than you can ever imagine!

(Also today, I linked up an old post to Deep Roots at Home if you want to take a look. It is an oldie but a goodie,one I think we all need reminded of, so I just thought I would share it for those of you who are new here. Hope you enjoy!)

And while I'm sharing...

2011-10-11T13:41:00.000-07:00

Which candidate do you most think they were talking about (without actually naming him) in the 180 film? .....

Turn off the music, America! I don't mean to slam Obama (although this add is kind of funny), but it is scary because it is also the truth. Obama and Planned Parenthood are likethis!

Powerful stuff!

2011-10-11T13:25:00.000-07:00

Whoa! This is great stuff. Just had to share 180 The movie. It starts by people either denying Hitler or saying they don't know who he is. Um, yeah...can I just say "How do you not know that?" they must have slept through history class. Anyway, the guy goes on to show them how he killed the Jews and then parallels it to abortion. You see peoples minds change. He then shows them all how they break the ten commandments and need Jesus. People really do 180's in this short half hour film. I think I will use some of these idea in real life from now on!

(I have to go now. My son wants to "see the birdie" ie-someone's follow me on Twitter thing...)

Loving people where there at...

2011-10-11T10:58:00.000-07:00

I used to get so annoyed by people. (Ok, I still do sometimes. That should be no surprise unless you though I was some sort of super (non) human.) But now I love people. Why?

Cause I see them how God sees them. I see them where they are at and still love them. I can love my friends despite their still evident humanness.

I can love Loretta despite the fact that she uses the F word on a regular basis. (In front of my children-luckily they have not copied her. I am waiting for the time the oldest asks me "What does that mean?", much as my friend did when he was five and his friend, who had a cop as a dad, used it...) That is just where she is at.

I can love my friends who are gay or who live with their significant others. That is just where they are at.

Heck, I can even love people if they may have voted for Obama! (Ok, I admit this one is a little harder for me but I am working on it.) Seriously though, there is someone whose opinion I used to trust that I now have a hard time trusting because of this, along with other various reasons. I still wish they saw that what they were doing is wrong, but I still love them even though sometimes my feelings don't follow.

These are just a few of many examples I can visibly show you. But there could be so many more. God sees us all where we are at. He tries to call us to something higher but he loves us where we are at. He begs us to come home like the prodigal son.

It is just that everyone is where they are at because of their circumstances in life. I am where I am at because of what has happened to me before. But for the grace of God go I and I could be the drug addict or prostitute.

I can't help but looking at all the stories of the ladies gong to Relevant conference. (As my semi serious/semi joked about internet addiction comments may show.) It is amazing to see where they have been and where they are now. I also found Katie's site Imperfect People. I loved reading all the stories to see how God had worked in peoples lives. I can't get enough of it. (I told her I had no story, I thought mine paled in comparison. She said it was amazing. Who knew...)

We all have a story. What is yours? I would love to hear it. How is God working in your life? If you don't think He is working on you, He is, even right now. You are reading this blog after all aren't you?

Welcome "Country Porch" Friends!

2011-10-10T10:06:00.000-07:00

Today is the beginning of the Country Porch Friends blog party. Being one who can never resist a good blog party, I thought I would join in.

Hmm, a little bit about myself, huh? Where to start. I don't know!

I can tell you about the origins of this blog, what I blog about, and why I blog though. I began blogging in the early days of 2009 on our family web space when I decided I wanted to participate in Tot School. It soon turned into a way for me to keep family and friends updated one what was going on with our second son, who had been diagnosed with a heart condition. Two and a half years later, here I sit with a very active little boy that you would never know had heart problems and I am writing on this blog. So how did I get here?

Well, I kept up the family web space blog (on and off-I think there were two different times I disappeared for six months!) At the same time I was growing by leaps and bounds in my faith (things like handing your six week old off to a heat surgeon will do that to a person) and started sharing more and more on the original blog.

Early this year I felt the call to share it with a wider audience and that is how this blog was born. (My friend Lynnette was glad I had a blog now where people could comment, yet I still receive very few so I am not sure what the big deal is. I just like to write. No, no-I NEED to write.)

I blog about a little bit of everything. I have no one niche. Now I am just someone who blogs to let the words inside my head (seriously, I draft posts in my head) escape through my fingers onto the keyboard. So that's why I am here.

I blog for the people like Megan who left this comment on the post Now That There's Three.

"Megan said...

Oh my gosh. This post made me cry. Nobody ever told me that birth control was actually an early abortion. I am entirely against abortions and to think that that is even possible that that has happened...I'm looking into natural family planning as we speak now, thanks to you."

Megan is my biggest (known) Just one moment so far and it makes me feel so good!

I blog for people like my friend from mom's group who says she doesn't vote. I have become a great patriot and see the great freedoms we have and want to help other realize it so that we don;t lose them.

I blog for people like my non-believing friend who seemed confused by the fact that their are differences between Catholics and Protestants. I blog to help people resolve the misunderstandings that occur between the two. (We all really have a lot more in common than some people think.)

These are just a few that I've come up with in the last week.

I think this blog is slowly growing as I grow and God is already and will do amazing things. I even Tweet now and am going to a blogging conference! I hardly recognize myself. God is still growing me day by day. I think even this blog is in a much different place than it was when it began because I am in a much different (better) place. Would you like to stick around with me as I grow? I hope to grow so that I can help others grow. I may be doing that now, but, you guessed it, I don't know cause no one leaves me a comment to tell me so!

Hope to see you back again soon. (If I don't get around to your blog it is not because I don't want to-it is because I want to too much and am trying to cut back on my on-line time before I completely become an internet junky!)

P.S.-Sorry about my lack of picture but we try to keep all our pics private at our family web space. Click on the link in my profile if you want to go there.

Too much Tweeting...

2011-10-07T12:16:00.000-07:00

I think I need to get away from the computer for awhile. I just finished writing up some posts. I will resume posting on Monday. This means I have them written through Wednesday then. I need not do anything till next Thursday then? But who am I kidding. You know I will be back Tweeting. I just can't get enough of reading about other peoples stories and what God has done in their lives. (That is what one of the blog posts is about in fact so I won't bore you with more on that here and now.)
See you soon!

Do not be afriad

2011-10-07T11:29:00.000-07:00

Where these not the words of Jesus? Yet, how many of us are afraid to stand up for what we believe in? To tell others about Jesus like my new Tweeting friend, Michelle, was talking about yesterday. (Yay, Tweeting! Can you tell I am addicted? It is like a new toy to play with...)

Or to stand up for a cause we really believe in that goes against the mainstream culture but it is about what Jesus taught? Well, also yesterday, Kelly Clinger was not afraid. She stood up. By doing so she may have saved a life. Kelly had two abortions herself and stopped another women from having one because she was brave enough to stand up and tell this women she should not. How many of us would be that brave?

(She told her about the pain she would experience if she had an abortion. I told Kelly in a comment on a different post, where she asked if the grief ever goes away, that I wonder now if my children cause pain to other women and if that is why they do not smile at us. Remember, three kids four and under-this family is a walking pro-life banner. See, I used to never think about abortion , and now, sometimes, it is all I can think about.)

I have never been brave. By nature, me and bravery do not get along well. But the closer I get to God, the more brave I am becoming. He is molding me into someone not afraid to stand up for what I believe in, no matter what the cost. No matter if it causes ridicule on the part of others. As Michelle's dream showed the costs are to great not to stand up.

There are a lot of crazy things going on around us everyday. The world needs us to stand up and bring them the love that we have been given. So whose ready to stand up with me?

A nice reminder...

2011-10-06T18:34:00.000-07:00

As I sit here now obsessed with Twitter and reading blogs instead of writing them I got a nice reminder from my friend Dave's blog about time. And then I got to put it into practice. My two year old wanted me to come lie with him. So I did. I slowed down.

But at the same time I wanted to be down here on this machine doing what I wanted to do. How selfish I still am. Putting what I want over what others need. But it was so good to have that reminder. So if I disappear for days at a time, you know why!

By the way-Can you see the Twitter updates? Dave said he could but I still can't. Also, it has come to my attention that their are problems commenting on blogger. If you are having those problems-well you can't leave me a comment-so e-mail me and let me know about it!

Hmmm

2011-10-06T10:57:00.001-07:00

It now shows you a thing that says Twitter updates but that is all it says. It looked like it was going to work. Any ideas? I think I need to call tech support in from the other room!

What have I just done?

2011-10-06T10:23:00.000-07:00

That's right. I just joined Twitter. (If I can figure out how to put it on look for the link to my Tweets on the side.) I think my husband is afraid I will become even more of an internet addict now. I promised not to become one but he said he thinks it's already too late. Oh well. Please excuse my lack of post writing today while I try to figure out what the heck I am doing...

Now that there's three

2011-10-05T10:55:00.000-07:00

(Sorry for it's slight delay but here is the (very long) repost from my original blog where I ~~rant~~ discuss what's on my heart about family sizes. It also gives very important info about the truth of what the birth control pill REALLY is. It should keep you busy while I go write some new material!)

*Warning...this turned out to be very (ok very, very) long but it's well worth reading to the very end. I may come off as angry to some of you, but it's just cause I'm passionate about this issue. So as a disclaimer I am not personally judging any of my readers. (Or the "favorite" person I speak of.) But I do hope that I may have given you some things to think about.

Now that there's three...

Things are a little bit different around here. But not as you might imagine. Sure there's another person around here so this means a bit more laundry, a bit more screaming (just from the baby, not me losing my mind), and it takes us a bit longer to get ourselves together (like this morning when mommy didn't account enough time to change three -yes three!- poopy diapers).

No, the change around here comes from the reaction I sometimes get from other people when out with all three children. (For those of you who may possibly react as I'm about to describe below: yes, this is possible and we do it quite often with relative ease. I am not trapped in my house for the next eighteen years. Though unfortunately at this point we do seem to spend many of our outings at doctors offices...). Anyways back to the reaction I get....perhaps anyone else who has had three or more children since the birth control pill came out in 1960 can tell me if they've experienced this phenomenon. I want to know if this commonly happens to those who go over the average 2.3 kids....

"Wow. You've really got your hands full." (Mind you this is when the children are being the perfect little angels they are in public. They save their "finer" moments for mom only. Isn't there a saying that says we most act ourselves around those we are comfortable with?) I need to start answering this with MckMamma's answer. ( If you think I have my hands full she has five five and under. One of them happens to be the adorable two year old Stellan who also had heart issues and is now perfectly healthy. He truly is a miracle child and you should read about him. Plus we have a soft spot for him cause he shares a birthday with my mommy. I found this blog shortly before we found out about "baby J's" heart issues and then sent her an e-mail asking for her prayers which she kindly obliged to do.) Anyway back to my point of bringing her up to begin with. She answers with "Yes, but so is my heart."

"But it could help you with your "large" family". (As I look around to see if I've picked up a few strays along the way...). This gem is from the lady at CVS (gee imagine this family needing prescriptions) who was trying to talk me into the extra care card.

On trick-or-treat night... "So are you supposed to be Kate Gosslin?" pause-blank stare from Amy who couldn't quite remember who Kate Gosslin was but instinctively knew this was another one of those comments - "You know...with all the kids." (Again as the boys calmly walk down the street while I follow behind strolling baby girl. Shocked Amy ignores comment (I have no clue what to say) and keeps strolling.)

Now those of you who have 2.3 kids or less and may make these kinds of comments yourselves are saying I should expect these kinds of comments because you just can't imagine how I do this. Trust me, I've come to expect these comments and just let them roll off my back at the time. (But now I'm here on my own blog, so I'm venting. Sorry you are all taking the brunt of my anger....what was that I said before about acting most yourself with those your comfortable with?)

It's not so much the comments above that make me angry. I get it. People are just amazed that I can handle three kids that small. (What they don't know is that I used to deal with SIX toddlers, sometimes for brief moments 12, so this seems calm to me...).

Where we start getting into trouble is with the idea that people just shouldn't have that many children any more. Let me give you a few examples.

"That's what birth control is for." Mother-in-law of former neighbor when referencing someone else who had two kids close together in front of Amy who had 2 year old eldest with her, while baby J was at home on daddy's watch.

"You know three or four kids these days is an awful lot to provide for..." Ah from Amy's "favorite" psychiatrist. (Did I ever mention I was bio-chemically depressed for thirty years and never knew it cause that's what was normal to me...too much to blog about- so little time...?) Because I'm busy dealing with this guy!!! And I have to go see him once a month? Come on! Seriously, I could write a whole other entire blog post about him and this issue. For this particular comment I should have used the line of the boys godmother-who had seven by the way. "Well when you start paying for them you can have a say."

"Can you say s-t-u-p-i-d." (This is the one that really got to me.) Lady stocking shelves at grocery store upon seeing us there with all three kids and telling us about her sister who has nine nine and under! (Again children that she states are very well behaved. Hmm very interesting trend developing here.)

Now what's wrong with these comments? They only, if ever, very mildly hurt my feelings personally. What they hurt is my deep feelings for all of humanity that we have lost the idea that children are a blessing not a burden. Yes my children are a blessing, a gift from God, not a burden, economic or otherwise. (Dr. C-argh! He's getting one of those picture only Christmas cards from me with "Thanks for all you do" (drive me nuts, isn't the psychiatrist supposed to make me un-nuts, not drive me crazier)? "Thought you'd enjoy a picture of our three little blessings". And I highly doubt using the actual word blessing in reference to children will sink in, but hey, it's worth a shot. (This may have actually worked. He's only mentioned it once this year. Or it could just be the fact that I only see him every three months now...)

Let's go back to the example of the lady who said her sister was stupid. Really? I'd like you to tell her children that. Which ones of them was she stupid for having. The first three? The last six? Numbers 4 and 5 only?

Then there's the survey that Ann Landers did. 70%, yes 70% of the respondents concluded that they wouldn't have had their kids again. It just wasn't worth it due to all the economic burdens, time it took away from their marriage, etc.

70% of people don't think their kids were worth it? Do you think the people actually told their kids that though? Imagine with me for a second if they did. How do you think it would make their kids feel? "Well honey, if we had it to do over again you wouldn't be here". Imagine how you would feel if you heard that from your parents? To know that everything good that has ever happened to you wasn't worth what it cost your parents. Your life itself, isn't worth it. How is everyone's self-esteem doing right now?

While no one actually says this to their kids (at least I hope not), don't you think their kids feel that lack of worth somehow? No wonder we have problems in this country! When human life becomes not worth it we all suffer the effects. (Look around you and tell me the worlds better off now than it was in 1959)? Now, I believe, as a Catholic, that it's because we've gone against God's design for human life. You know... be fruitful and multiply,children are a supreme gift from God..that sort of thing. We've gone away from seeing children, and the people they grow into-you and me- as "worth it".

I don't want to condemn anyone's past, present or future decisions regarding birth control, but I just need to inform you of what it really is. (And I didn't know this information till-you guessed it-Amy's favorite psychiatrist suggested she look into birth control. You know cause I'm going to go insane again from all these children. Maybe next time I should tell him it's my husband who usually stresses me out more than the kids. What's his solution now? Perhaps I just shouldn't be married then? I highly don't trust his opinion on what's stressful to me because he thought going out and teaching thirty children wouldn't be. That I'd be able to do this again on my medicine. Hmm-30 whose parent I'm not vs 3 whose parent I am, tough choice here but I think I'll stick with the 3. Is anyone else seeing how much sense he doesn't make yet)?

Well, I looked and found out that the pill can actually cause early abortions! The third back up mechanism of the pill is to prevent an already fertilized egg from implanting in the woman's uterus. (And yes, Dr. C it is a baby at conception!!! Yes, I actually had this discussion with a medical doctor). Take the theological out of it. Baby girl became baby girl when egg and sperm met. 23 chromosomes from mom, 23 chromosomes from dad=baby girl. So you became you before you were implanted into your mothers womb and if your mother had been taking birth control at that moment it's possible you never would have implanted and, hence, you wouldn't be here.

Now you are here and reading this and I bet some of you find this hard to believe. But believe it. You've been deliberately lied to. Check out this video from You Tube which shows how. The short of it is the third mechanism is in all the medical literature but not in the information given to the women taking the pill. If any of this is resonating with you check this out.http://priestsforlife.org/contraception/contraceptionofgrief.htm

Now again, as a Catholic, I believe it's because there are evil forces at work with the deliberate agenda to ruin us. Note-Satan doesn't like human beings very much...

But also, I believe that these children who were conceived but never got to play out their earthly lives, were never the less infused at the moment of conception with a human soul that lives on forever. You may or may not believe in this but if you've ever used birth control you might have children you never knew existed awaiting you in heaven. Ask them for their forgiveness, ask God for His forgiveness, and move on with your life. It may sound crazy but talk to these children often and ask them to pray for you. But chances are they already do that anyway because they love you very much. And so do I which is why I had to share this message with you. Now pass it on!

As for the future size of the our family that's still up in the air at the moment. Remember mommy mentioning that she had a hernia too? Well they want you to be "done" before they fix it. (The doctor who said I must have "no life" when I told him I had three kids told me this. See people just don't get it. My children are my life!) So we are currently using natural family planning. And no it's not just Catholic birth control. And yes it actually works, despite the fact that the sample size of the study in my book wasn't big enough for Dr. C. Check it out. http://fertilitycare.org

Three days?

2011-10-04T12:02:00.000-07:00

I know, I have been having a lot of posts lately with time lines in them, but this one is about something I only heard of for the first time this morning and it actually refers to three days of time. It refers to three days of darkness. My friend (I was power cleaning while she was on speaker phone) made it seem like it was something that coincided with the end of the world. The whole earth being literally dark for three days and you having to stay inside your house with only blessed candles as light and you can't look outside or you would go to hell...

Something about the whole thing didn't jive right with my theology. But in the interest of being fair (and making sure, as I told my husband, that I "wasn't going to go the hell because you didn't buy curtains") I just spent the last half hour or so studying up.

Some say it's God's judgement, some say it is the Devil attacking us as we have seemingly brought hell's reign upon us anyway. Some say it was by this person, others say it was not. Some say this will happen, some say it won't. Even on EWTN's web site! One priest seemed pro, one seemed con. It is all really confusing.

Is this all hogwash? Or is it be taken seriously?

Upon further reading I have concluded that the answer to both questions is...maybe? This seems to be the most common sense answer I found. (I tend to go with common sense these days. I like common sense a lot. I wish more people had it...) He literally says in this that he does not know. Great. There's a half hour of internet research time I will never get back.

It is not and official church teaching and does not have to be believed, which is good seeing as I cannot figure out exactly what the belief is.

So what does this all mean for you and me? I think it goes back to the advice I offered in this post. Don't worry about the end of the world, just trust in God and His Mercy and everything will be all right. Someone else summed it up best by using the words used at every Mass "as we wait in joyful hope for the coming..." Joyful hope, do not be afraid!

Anyways, now that I have updated you on the weird happenings of my day, I am off to write the blog post I intended to write today about what I learned yesterday about angels and demons from ~~Dan Brown~~ Peter Kreeft. (Yes, the book came yesterday and I already finished reading it. Lots is underlined!)

P.S. As for my worry about not having enough window coverings, one of the other things I read just said you would die from fright not that you would not go to hell. (See how the story can't even be kept straight?) I'm gonna go with that answer cause it fits in with the merciful God I know. I don't see lack of curtains affecting the state of your soul too much and that is all that really matters. If all else fails we will hide some place else...

Be careful what you pray for: God knows what He's doing...

2011-10-03T04:30:00.000-07:00

It has often been joked about in this house that you should not pray for patience. Every time someone does, the next day seems to be filled with many more things testing their patience than usual. God knows the only way to make us grow in patience is to give us opportunities to practice it.

I prayed to be cured of my depression. I think God is using that prayer to grow me. It may turn out that the new revelation of my gluten intolerance could do just that. If it is the cause of the chemical imbalance in my brain it is quite possible that eating the gluten free diet would solve the problem and there would be no more need for meds, right?

Hmm, except what does this mean? It means God may also be trying to help me with one of my other prayers. To eat out less... It's not as healthy and I know I don't need the extra calories. But, oh, how much I like them. But it's more expensive and I feel like such a bad steward when I do it. All. The. Time.

A gluten free diet? No cake at parties, no donughts at church. I am ready to call my favorite resturants and ask about their gluten free options. What if they have none!?! No hamburger buns??? Do they have gluten free pizza?

God knows eating out (which recently has reached epidemic proportions in this family) is one of the last vices I really cling too. So be careful what you pray for. God knows how to grow you and shape you into the person He wants you to be, not the self-centered (fatter) you that you want to be. What will be left of the old me when He is done? I hardly recognize myself now! (At least maybe now it will be a skinnier self?)

147. The new info that we are gluten intolerant.
148. All the people who have helped along the way to slowly but surely uncover the complicated puzzle that is Amy. (Thyroid issues, depression, hormone issues, poly cystic. I think they are all tied together and could it ALL be from gluten?)
149. For these children of mine now finally taking naps and letting me be able to hear myself think. (2:52 pm Sunday afternoon)
150. For my husband doing the dishes right now so I can do this. (Though the noise of the sink is slightly interfering with the process of me hearing myself think.)
151. For friends who care enough to call and ask if your kids need a winter coat.
152. For pastors who spoil your children with cake.(Even if it does not fit into a gluten free diet.)
153. For the same pastor making Christmas a memorable time by decorating the Narthex to the hilt. (I mean it. I should do photos this year... We were asking someone from another local church if they saw it all last year and it made me realize Christmas is not that far away!!! It will all start going up in about two months!)
154. For the little girl who is growing up and will probably be able to chase her brothers around the train by the time the display goes up this year. (Yes, she is about to walk.)
155. Without giving TMI... For the fact that we will break a F. Family record for spacing of children. (If a new one ever does decide to come along they will be at least 21 and a half months from the next sibling up, beating the old record of 20 and a half months-the second spacing being EXACTLY 19 months apart.) I was reminded of this one cause now I am trying to break the record and wait till after the youngest sibling can walk before getting pregnant. Wish me luck.)

P.S. I know no one would be surprised if I came back and said next month that I was pregnant though. In fact, people were expecting me to come that way to my brother in laws wedding last month. (Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that my husband once said he wanted ten children to someone on that side of the family.) But it is not that we want that many. We are just open to that if God so desires. (But after experiences like today, perhaps He sees I need a break...) But no matter how much I seem to complain I love my little blessings beyond compare. Each one is special in their own way and I would not wish for it to be any different. ~~Tomorrow~~ whenever my husband retrieves files after switching operating systems I think I will repost something that originally appeared on my family web space about the crazy comments I receive regarding children "Now that there's three".

I am also linked up today with my friend Trina who is using my story of depression to bring hope to others struggling with anxiety.

Now what? The perils of motherhood...

2011-10-02T10:11:00.000-07:00

Since I posted several minutes ago, I discovered the little girl was poopy, she managed to pee or get poop on every clothing and body part imaginable, the middle child cried because I told him he couldn't come dowstairs (I really don't think the five minute nap will cut it), and the eldest insisted that it is the furnace, his sister, and I who are keeping him up. I can't even remember what I was going to write about. I can't hear myself think so to speak. I do know that I was going to say something about lamenting over yesterdays post and hoping I didn't come off as to sarcastic/mean and drive people away form Christ, by not being a good example of a Christian and complaining about peoples wacky driving habits. (Remember-un-Christian like Christians are the reason Ghandi did not become one.)

Anyway, I was contemplating that at the traffic light on the way out of my neighborhood yesterday when I noticed "What if I stumble, what if I fall" by DC Talk (Was that Dc Talk? Love old Toby Mac too!) was on. I realized it does not depend on me, but on Christ. No need to put so much pressure on myself.

So as I contemplated this post on the rest of my drive (It's all coming back to me now!) I wanted to just warn you to not put your hopes in me, but in Christ. Don't listen to what I say unless it fits with what He says and shows you. Don't put me or anyone else on a pedestal.

Example: Fr. Corapi is no longer Father. (I think he may have temporarily lost his mind and/or been tempted by the devil. Hopefully he will find his way back soon. I miss him. Even if he isn't a priest anymore his messages are still right on.)

And that's my point. Just because someone fails as human being does not mean that what they say about God isn't true. My friend and I worry about people who may have put more of their hopes in Fr. Corapi than in the One his message was about. What did he always say? "The Truth isn't something, it is somebody and His name is Jesus Christ." Note he did not say and his name is Fr. John Corapi...

I have friends who have faith troubles because they think the priest or pastor or church lady isn't holy enough. (I used to also be in the "Catholics/Christians are a bunch of hypocrites" camp. I didn't get the church was precisly for sinners. Just sayin' so you know I speak from experience.) And so many are scandalized by the priest scandal.

I have dealt with feelings like this again recently, but my faith is now strong enough to know that the priests are fallen human beings just like us. Despite any issues I have had with priests, I still see their message comes from God. And even if their preaching is poor, the power of the sacraments does not depend on their holiness. (This came up at our last book group. Can't wait for this months book group on Angels and Demons (not the Dan Brown one, but the one by Peter Kreeft.) If only it comes in time for me to read it first...)

Anyways, back to my point. Humans are fallible beings. I know non -Catholics think that we think the pope is infallible. No, he is still capable of messing up. The only thing that is infallible is his teaching on faith and morals, not his own personal life. (As an aside, just throwing out some catholic history. We are on pope number 266 going back to Peter if anyone cares to know. God left us an authority for a reason. So we wouldn't have the confusion that exists today of so many different denominations you can't even count them anymore cause they probably grow by the HOUR. And no one agrees on, say, things like baptism. Who is in charge of that? The Devil! See how he divides us so needlessly?)

To conclude-we ALL mess up, Christian and non -Christian alike. As I grow closer to Christ, the less I do so. It is my hope to bring you closer too, from wherever you may be at. So forgive my mistakes and keep reading. Cause this is not about me, but about God. Cause "Oh, how He loves us!"

(P.S.-Can you guess what song was playing next on the radio as I contemplated this post? Good old David Crowder. Love him too!)

When a mom can't poop in peace...

2011-10-02T09:09:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's been one of THOSE mornings. Little boys had to follow me to the bathroom and insisted on pushing at my belly button... (Did I mention that is where my hernia is?) From there it went on to not being able to do anything "productive" because little boys kept wanting to read. No harm there: it was time well spent. Then around ten thirty the eldest started rubbing his eyes and acting cranky. I went up and laid with him, the younger joined us. He fell asleep, the sister woke up. While I was feeding her lunch, the eldest woke up the middle child, who has now gone back to sleep, but who knows if/when the eldest will join him. Baby girl is beside me making lots of noise. All this to say I don't now how the writing of the posts in my head for today and tomorrow are going to go before my husband comes home and takes over use of the computer...

*Apparently the middle child is not back asleep so this could be very interesting!

Saturday Snippets

2011-10-01T12:19:00.000-07:00

Oh where to start...

1)Gluten-my new enemy... That's right. Me and at least two of the three little people (the male ones) are slightly gluten intolerant. Without turning this into a complete medical update, that's what blood tests, after the suggestion of a friend, showed. The only one who did not present the problem was baby girl. Maybe she just hasn't had enough gluten yet? She was the one who prompted the investigation to begin with(!) yet nothing. It may or may not cause/contribute to other problems that I have (like the depression and the thyroid issue) so we will see what my doctor and my friends specialist (if need be) recommend. It's probably just going to be get rid of the gluten. Yippie!

While we try and figure out how bad the problem is (of course I missed the doctors phone call and she was calling from home not the office on a Friday) just pray for us that it is not too annoying. (Other than my husband spending hours in the grocery store figuring out which of the gluten free products to buy. He is a label comparer down to the last ingredient and it takes him forever.)

I wrote some hard hitting stuff awhile back and wondered what Satan would hit me with for telling the truth. He gives me gluten intolerance cause it used to be the little things like this that annoyed me. But, hey, if God is now going to use it for good and cure me of all my other probelms why not? Or is it a blessing in disguise from Him like the gesational diabetes that helped save our son? Does God take what Satan means for evil and make it good? Who is in charge of, say, bad weather? I don't know. (And you though I had it all figured out. Nope-not even close.) I am not in a deep thinking mood today to try and figure it out...

2) I hate "crazy garage sale day". That's what my husband and I call the semi annual neighborhood yard sale. It becomes like an absolute zoo around here. This morning I had to do (what seemed like) a 50 point turn to get out of my own driveway. It was parked full on both sides of the steet. I think I may have even bumped another van but couldn't even feel it and noted no damage. Then someone directed me in traffic. Cars were waiting for me. Too much pressure! I still get somewhat panicky in situations like that. Then on our (second) way home someone stopped in front of me and started backing up. They wanted to go down the street before mine. They then realized I was behind them so they pulled up and went into my street and pulled over and then backed out of my street to go back the other way. (Apparently we have never heard of going around the block?) And the lady gave ME the dirty look! Last I checked, stopping in traffic and backing up was not legal, but maybe that's just me...

3) These are turning out to be not so "snippy". Ok, not lengthwise, but maybe in my tone. I am sorry, but I am just kind of annoyed about all these kinds of little things today so I am just being honest. As much as I have changed one thing that hasn't is my sarcasm. It can't always be rosy you know...

4) Especially when the sun never shines! It just keeps raining. When, when will the sun return? These cloudy, gray days are obviously not the best for my mood.

5) It is now also cold outside, but it is hot in my house. So I am wearing short sleeves with a sweater when I exit the building.

6) The places I kept going this morning was to take little boys to swim lessons. Eldest is at 8:50. After his first week, the other one got jealous that he didn't get to go, so I signed him up for the parent/tot class at 10:50. I wanted 10:10 but it was full. Now I like the 10:50 cause it is not so crowded . They love swim class. (The younger one a little too much. He shows no fear of water and going under and he's the best splasher in the class. Those of you that know him-does this really surprise you?) I am not so fond of having joined the rest of America in driving kids all over as a taxi service, but hey, everyone is taking a nap right now so maybe it is worth it!

7) Lucky number seven.... I think that is all for right now. That gives you a good update on the more mundane, nitty gritty, details of our lives. Cause I know how much you all love those. (Especially if you are a grandparent of these children. ;) ) Back to more important blog posts soon.

8) Bonus mundane details: Those posts are probably not to be written now, as it now time to go get the huge pile of laundry on my bed folded and put away and wake little people up and get them ready for church. Daddy has already left ahead of us to print stuff out for a special song tonight.

9) I just had to give you the alternate titles in my head for the gluten update... Medical update 657 (cause I always seem to be doing one) or It's like getting blood out of a pre schooler (to make a play on the turnip saying to show you how hard it was to get the eldest, who is apparently afraid of needles like daddy, to give blood...TWICE! Of course it would be with him that they ran out. But it worked out the second time. There is nothing a little bribery incentive won't fix....)

got messes?

2011-09-30T13:35:00.000-07:00

I saw one of those bumper stickers the other day that plays on the "got milk?" commercials. It said "got Jesus?". While we all know I would endorse said bumper sticker, today I am here to advocate for a new one called "got messes?". Cause I know I sure do! Specifically in reference to a little two and a half year old we all know and love. Specifically in reference to the mess he leaves at the table. And under it... And under his chair... And on his chair... You get the idea. (He's also becoming the instigator in sibling squabbles. Just remember Amy, this is the little boy everybody prayed for...)

The other day my husband came up with a brilliant disciplining idea to help solve this problem. (Ok, it is probably actually common sense, but common sense isn't too common anymore and the only person I know of who stops to think about these issues is my husband!)

We are now making him wait to get wiped off and down from the table until we are done cleaning up his mess. The idea is that he will get sick of waiting and figure out a way to stop being so messy. (Here is a hint...stop playing with your food! Now you see why we are trying this-cause we got sick of telling him over and over and over.)

I would adapt for older kids and make them clean the mess. In fact I do sometimes make them clean messes. Like if they spill something I have them clean up as much as they can. (I was about ready to make the four year old sweep the floor when he copied his little brother but he decided to wait in his seat too...)

I also have them clean up their own toys. I am still trying to get better and follow through on it more but it is a lot better than getting a sore back from bending over to pick up their stuff all day. The part I really need to work on is getting them to put one thing away before getting out another so that it never becomes the big mes that I still sometimes end up cleaning up anyway cause it is "just easier that way". But in the end it is not because they never learn to do it themselves and you become a slave to a ? year old. So I am nipping it in the bud now.

And that is just a little Friday tip from me on how I manage with three kids four and under!

What are some of your favorite how to parenting tips? If you have one you want to share e-mail me and I'll consider it for a guest post.

Why can't we all do this?

2011-09-29T13:37:00.000-07:00

I just heard a conversion story on The Journey Home program on EWTN. The young man-he was 25-converted while at Florida State University. He said all his protestant friends came when he became catholic and they now have an ecumenical thing they all do together. He said he thought God was up to something bigger there than just his own conversion.

I hope to be that voice at Relevant...showing my more Protestant friends what we all have in common (and that I do not worship the pope....)

*This is the only kind thing I have ever said about Florida State University.
WE ARE-PENN STATE!

Two years...

2011-09-29T11:38:00.000-07:00

Two years ago today I went to a funeral. I saw a life remembered.

Two years ago today I went to a trial of the civil sort. I saw angry people.

They were angry about getting their own way and about their property values.

And I was thinking..."What does it matter? I just went to a funeral and trust me, the man's property value was not mentioned."

What was mentioned were things about how he loved others. Cause in the end that's all that really matters-not your property value!

Two years ago I gave up listenting to the advice (about certain issues) of a well meaning psychologist and made the decision to become open to life.

Soon after I read St. Faustina's dairy...

Two years later I sit here with the one year old daughter who was a product of that decision to be open. She was well worth all the fuss.

Two years later I am not angry about much anymore (especially not my property value). I am not even angry at the people who were concerned about theirs.

Two years later a lot has changed.

Yet two years later much remains the same. I still get angry sometimes. (Like this morning!) I am still a work in progress.

But if I can make this much progress in just two years I can't wait to see what life will be like on September 29, 2013!

That's what I'm talkin' about people!

2011-09-28T13:14:00.000-07:00

(It's really sort of a weird day around here. Sunny, rainy, sunny, rainy, flash flood at the end of the street, then it's gone and then it just rained again.)

Anyway, I just popped on again for a minute to read the news and was reading the comments on this article. I finally found someone who gets it! This was the most common sense, what America is about, freedom of religion NOT freedom FROM religion comment. And it was from somebody who is not religious. Finally something we agree on. If only everyone saw it this way we'd be all set. I am just here doing my part to get you to see it. That it does not have to be one or the other-ie completely secular or completely Christian-just free to choose!

"I do not believe in religion or an invisable creator, however I do believe my fellow citizens should be allowed to pray as they see fit. It does no harm and freedom of religion should be up held in the US.
I see no harm in coaches in bowing their heads or praying with their students as long as religion is not forced on others."

TAKE ACTION: Conscience Rights Violated by Sweeping HHS Mandate

2011-09-28T11:41:00.000-07:00

Yep, still working on that book thing along with other stuff so I don't have time to properly blog this like I wanted to but here you go...

Us Bishops rallie Catholics to...? That's for you to read and find out. ;)

Let me just say though, I agree with commenters that said a) at leamst the bishops are taking a stand now, b) the priests need to preach it more and c)to bad the Catholics don't even understand the issue. (Seeing as I think I heard that at some point in their lives 98% of Catholcis will be on some from nof birth control.)

TAKE ACTION: Conscience Rights Violated by Sweeping HHS Mandate

I can't believe I am about to do this.

2011-09-28T10:28:00.000-07:00

It should not be a surprise that I have a love affair with books. But my house has been over-run by books. Kid books to be specific. They are all on the still almost full book shelf, in a big pile in front of it, or in the storage area I am sitting on-an area I need to make room in for school supplies. Not to mention that there is always now a big pile of library books. We are not lacking for things to read.

So some of the books must go! I am getting rid of books? Who am I and what have I done with Amy? Please bare with me during this brief blogging time out while I go deal with the mess...

I don't get it...

2011-09-27T11:05:00.000-07:00

I have always loved children. In fact, I was still a child myself when I started loving children. Twenty seven years ago, I was a little five year old trick or treater meeting our new neighbors. We were greeted by a very pregnant belly and they told us to come back in a few weeks and meet their new baby. And so we did.(Dude, I can't believe he is almost twenty seven!)

He was kind of like a brother to me complete with sibling like annoyances and fights (Hi, does something refered to as "the remote control incident" sound like it turned out well to you?)

Five years later his little siter was born. I was now eleven and she was the first baby I really got to love on. (One of my jobs was to make sure she didn't roll off the counter during diaper changes.) As she grew I would watch her as an unoffical baby sitter while her parents were outside gardening and the like. We too had our moments (Like when she accused me of cheating at "Pretty Pretty Princess" simply because I was old enough to read the actual directions-How dare I follow the rules!... Or when at nine she asked the nineteen year old me what to do next and I said-"Rest?")

From there it turned into baby sitting on occasion at the Y to volunteering at Bible School and Head Start. Finally it ended in a summer as a camp counsler with some older kids, who were quite difficult to deal with sometimes, but it led me to having thoughts of teaching.

Well, the whole teaching thing didn't quite pan out the way I thought it would and I ended up working in a daycare. I still loved the kids despite the fact that they were not the best behaved individuals I had ever seen. I just saw them as the product of the situation of having loving busy parents who didn't have my kid expertise to know how to discipline them and the fact that I was not allowed to discipline them despite the fact that they spent most of their waking hours with me. (Yeah, can you say complete chaos!?!) Or the fact that some of the other teachers didn't appear to be the most patient loving people because of years spent in said chaos. I even began to become victim to the griping. It's part of why I left.

So, yes. It would make sense that there would be lots of little people in my house now that I am married and able to have my own. (My house has become the more controlled chaos version of the daycare.)

So with my background can you see how I do not get people who see children as a burden rather than a blessing? Children have always blessed my life. They, as the experience with my neighbors shows, have their moments. Even the big kids at camo did. But all you really need to do in those moments is love and respect people and it makes them much easier to deal with. And the other moments bring such joy I can't descirbe it.

So what about "those" moments? All those kids at camp needed was someone to show them love. These were tough inner city kids, who were really giant teddy bears (specifically the one who was the size of a football player at twelve.) One of them asked me why I was so nice and the other female counsler (of those twelve year old boys) was so mean. The simple answer? I don't remember exactly what I told him but it was because she didn't treat them with respct. She got annoyed at every little thing they did or did not do and let them know it. I try to avoid that. I am not the best at it-at least not with my own kids (you know what they say about familiarity breeding contempt?) but I try. I try to be patient.

As I also try to be patient with the people I just don't get cause I can't see why they don't see the same joy and potential in every human (little or otherwise) that I do. I think I now see people as God sees them. His beloved son or daughter. We are all to Him what those of us under the age of five are to me. I always had more trouble dealing with the adults at the day care than I did with the kids. Kids are supposed to be x,y, and z. Adults are supposed to "know better" I thought. Now I see that sometimes we just don't know better. We are all still like little kids to God. We are all still growing, so we must try and be as patient with each other as He is with us.

One month

2011-09-26T21:11:00.000-07:00

One month from right now will be the beginning of the event everyone has been looking forward to. Relevant. It has been on the calendar for months now, since February. But I was unsure what to make of it until just now. (It is almost midnight by the way. I may pay for this blog post tomorrow, but I had to get rid of the "Blogsomia" in my brain...)

When I found out it is in my backyard, relatively speaking, I took it as a sign from God that He wanted me to go. I had no idea why. I had no idea what happens at a blog confernece. I just knew HE wanted me to go. I knew it was not a coincidence that I found out about it a week before the tickets went on sale.

Now, not to sound prideful, but I thought it was perhaps because He had big plans for my blog. Maybe He still does, who knows. (Oh, He does but He's about the only one at this point.)

Though as I have been upstairs stewing on my many thoughts (should have taken that brain slowing down medicine earlier...) the picture is becoming clearer.

I met several lovely ladies the other night who are going as well. I don't think it is just because He had plans for my blog, but also plans for me. To find healing in my relationships with women. To finally get over caring about what others think of me and getting over the wounds of the rejection I felt from girls in the past.

But I still think He has plans for the things He wants me to accomplish. (He does have a plan for each of us after all...) This is the part that just became clearer to me.

Around the same time that Relevant came up there was also an add in the catholic newspaper about training sessions for Naturtal Family Practitioners which would culminate the same weekend as Relevant. It was an either or decision. Was God calling me to minister through one of my new passions and teach others about NFP or did He want me to write about my many passions?

Obviously what I chose is now clear to you. But I just realized I can still teach others about NFP here. And probably reach so many more on a blog and at a blogging conference than I could in a doctors office. Especially since the people who come there are already aware of NFP and are interested in it, they just need to know how it's done. Here I can tell others about it who may not even know what it is. God really is smarter than us... He knew. He had a plan.

Slowly but surely (I'm kind of impatient but He has an eterenity to wait...)His plan is being accomplished and I am helping. Getting rid of abortion is just the first step. We then need to back track and tell others about the side effects of the pill and that there is an alternative. But ultimatly we need to back it all the way up till everyone once again sees pregnancy as not a disease to be controlled and they see children-human beings-as what they are-a blessing.

We are all special! What is life all about if it is not about our relationships with God and others?

And just so you don't think we are always are serious around here...

2011-09-23T12:14:00.000-07:00

So that you know I talk about other things than heavy subjects cause this blog has been pretty heavy as of late. Just in -now number nine of ten from my father in law. Foudn this one quite clever and funny.

Subject: My Job Search

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.

5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.

6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it ... couldn't cut the mustard.

7. My best job was a Musician,
but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.

8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience.

9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in.

10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.

11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.

12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job..

13. After many years of trying to find steady work,

I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was the same old grind.

15. SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT

AND I FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

Just in...

2011-09-23T12:06:00.000-07:00

Got the below message from my father in law (One of 8 e-mails sent in the last fourty minutes) and just felt called to share. Spiritual warfare at it's best... (I responded with "more reason to homeschool...by the way are you done sending e-mails yet!?!" no, cause that was only number seven, who knows what has come in while I am typing this!)

Beware of this book! Oprah is pushing it. It is scary that someone would be bold enough to write a book from God's point of view contrary to His Word. Please send to all with kids or grandkids.

If you have children or grandchildren, work with children at church, or you have neighborhood children whose parents you know, please take note of the information below and pass it along to others. Schools are distributing this book to children through the Scholastic Book Club.

The name of the book is Conversations with God. James Dobson talked about this book twice this week. It is devastating. Parents, churches and Christian schools need to be aware of it. Please pass this information on to church/e-mail addresses, Parents, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, friends.

Two particular books are, Conversations with God and Conversations with God for Teens, written by Neale D. Walsch. They sound harmless enough by their titles alone. The books have been on the New York Times best sellers list for a number of weeks, and they make truth of the statement, "Don't judge a book by its cover or title."

The author purports to answer various questions asked by kids using the "voice of God". However, the "answers" that he gives are not Bible-based and go against the very infallible word of God. For instance (and I paraphrase), when a girl asks the question "Why am I a lesbian?" His answer is that she was 'born that way' because of genetics (just as you were born right-handed, with brown eyes, etc.). Then he tells her to go out and "celebrate" her differences.

Another girl poses the question "I am living with my boyfriend. My parents say that I should marry him because I am living in sin. Should I marry him?" His reply is, "Who are you sinning against? Not me, because you have done nothing wrong."

Another question asks about God's forgiveness of sin. His reply "I do not forgive anyone because there is nothing to forgive... There is no such thing as right or wrong and that is what I have been trying to tell everyone, do not judge people. People have chosen to judge one another and this is wrong, because the rule is "'judge not lest ye be judged."

Not only are these books the false doctrine of the devil, but in some instances quote (in error) the Word of God.

And the list goes on. These books (and others like it) are being sold to school children through (The Scholastic Book Club), and we need to be aware of what is being fed to our children.

Our children are under attack. So I pray that you be sober and vigilant about teaching your children theWord of God, and guarding their exposure to worldly mediums, because our adversary, the devil, roams about as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8). We know that lions usually hunt for the slowest, weakest and YOUNGEST of its prey.

Pass this on to every Believer you know. God bless! And, if you are in doubt, check out the books yourself.

Five minute Friday-Growing

2011-09-23T10:13:00.000-07:00

(I know, I said I would be away but it is pouring rain and I am in a mood, so here we go...)

I am discouraged today. I feel like nothing that I wanted to get accomplished this week has gotten accomplished. I look around and there are still big huge messes, by both me and the kids. I feel like things will never get caught up and it will look like this for the next eighteen years.

But I have to remember-I am growing. Though things may still be a mess I am so much farther ahead of where I used to be. Not just in my organization skills (Ok, maybe not at all in my organization skills) but spiritually and friendship wise most definately.

I have to remember-progress not perfection is the goal. (Don't ask me who said that cause I can't remember.)

Despite the fact that I am down today I know I will have to keep growing. God won't let me sit still where I am. He loves me to much to leave me in this mess. The physical mess of my house yes, but more so the mess of me. The lady who is depressed cause it is raining yet agian. The one who wants to give up before she even starts. The one who is still way too selfish sometimes for her own liking.

But He also sees and I see how much more selfish I used to be and how far I have come and that is all that really matters. With His help I will get there. I must stop today and remember to ask for His help.

And while I am on a roll with tough topics tonight...

2011-09-22T19:43:00.000-07:00

http://liveaction.org/blog/in-the-lions-den-undercover-at-a-pro-abortion-meeting/

This one shows evil (and how people don't even realize they are surrounded by it like Abby Johnson didn't realize her mind was caught up in evil) but stick with it to the end. Good is winning!

And here is a little more on the free speech case...

2011-09-22T19:11:00.000-07:00

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/09/22/texas-school-punishes-boy-for-opposing-homosexuality/

Whose going to cast the first stone? (Cause I can't be silent on this one...)

2011-09-22T18:45:00.000-07:00

(I know, I know. I said I was going to be away for a week but it is husband free Thursday and I don't feel like doing anything else. Actually I don't think I can do anything else right now because this topic keeps recurring today and I know God is calling me to speak...)

I had an interesting conversation today. In speaking about the stages of persecution (Oh, look for that post soon...) I said how we seem to be moving toward the stage where belief is criminalized. I used the example of hate crimes for saying homosexuality is wrong. I meant from the stance of stating your belief...

The other person went on to describe a time when they actually showed hate towards homosexuals...

Then I came home and read this ... (I'm gonna go with free speech on this one.)

and this ... (But free speech doesn't give you the right to be a bully. I also noticed today in this and other issues how rude people are these days...Oh, the blog posts I could do if I had more time.)

And I read some of the things referenced on Catholic Answers when I typed in gay and found this ...

this ...

and this .

Then I saw the blog Like a Warm Cup of Coffee was talking about "gay Christians" today. (You'll have to trust me on this one cause the links are not being cooperative right now...) And so I read a couple of the articles referenced in that post.

So where do I stand? I still see the behavior is wrong but that does not mean you should ever (EVER!) look down on that person and demean them. It is never right to look down on somebody based on this. (And I have always believed this for those of you who thought I was being a bigot in the past...)

As a matter of fact I see it as no different than the person I had this conversation with today. I do not look down on them because they live with their heterosexual partner they are not married to but live with. Is there behavior not as wrong as the homosexual who acts on their feelings? (As far as whether people are born gay or if they can change I do not know, but I feel they would be called to be celibate just as my friend would be called to be married first.) No, but my love for them is no different than for the homosexuals.

Just as Jesus's was not different. Adultry is also a sin but He did not condemn the women who was caught in adultry. He asked the Pharisses (who were trying to trap Him into saying it was ok or to stone her) to cast the first stone if they were without sin. Hmm-funny thing! Everyone left. Every blessed one of them. He then told her she was forgiven and to go and sin no more. And that is what I say to anyone who is struggling with same sex attraction or has done anything else against the sixth commandment.

This all reminded me of Joshua Harris realizing that (he admits in his book I Kissed Dating Goodbye) one day he saw that God saw his sexual lust as no different than that of the homosexuals he looked down on. But did God condemn him or the homomsexual? No-He calls them all to repentance.

Whatever your sin tonight, God loves you and is calling you to repentance too.

Break time!

2011-09-18T17:23:00.000-07:00

That's right. I think I need a little bit of a break from the blogging world. Things around here are still so very disorganized (read-I can no longer stand the mess!) as far as school supplies and school time so I think I am going to take a break this week to get things organized and also to spend some time with my wonderful friends tomorrow at mom's group and with my husband who will have a little bit of time off after working pretty much all weekend to get things ready for this weeks forty hours devotions.

(He is still there and has been there since 830 this morning exceopt when we went out to dinner. We got to hang out with him today for a bit after helping the moms group set up for tomorrows breakfast. The one year odl tried to get into all the coffee packs, the two year old (wow, there's a one year odl and a two year odl in this house!) spilled water, and the four year old complained about our resturant choice. They did not nap. They all went to bed at 6:30....except for miss slumber party who stayed up till I left her room at 730 because it actually started to get dark outside and I could see she wasn't going to sleep until I left cause she just wanted to stay awake and play all night.)

So, yes, just a bit of a break here for me to refocus since my mind can't concentrate on deeper posts right now anyway. I'll be back next Monday. No sooner unless a) something earth shaking (or too funny kid wise) needs to be written about or b) I get myself organized (ha,ha,ha)...

A short disertation on the book of James:

2011-09-17T11:13:00.000-07:00

Well, now that what I planned here on Monday afternoon (several weeks ago by the time I hit publish) to be one blog post, became way to long so I am splitting it into three parts. If you are still with me, this is the part from the same chapter in Catholic for a Reason that discusses James.

Instead fo focusing on works of the law and setting the Judaizers straight like Paul, James is going to show us the importance of doing good works.

"But be doers of the word, not hearers only, deceiving yourselves." (1:22)

"Religion that is pure and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to visit the orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." (1:27)

To long to quote here so just read James 2:20-26 and look for the words and not by faith alone. (This is why Martin Luther said James was an "epistle of straw" and he was ready to remove it.) It is said that Protestants do not go that far today, but they try to say that Paul and James speak of justification differently even though the Greek word is the same. It is said that good works are important but they don't play a role in our salvation. Is that true or do they since it is only those who "remain in his kindness" (Rom 11:22) that wil be saved. What does remaining in His kindness mean to you? Would it not mean living out faith through love as Paul states?

I am getting old!

2011-09-16T18:52:00.000-07:00

I can't do this late night thing anymore. I stayed up past midnight last night and ended up taking a nap with my children today. Quite literally. The middle one was having trouble settling down (surprise, surprise) so I laid down beside him and proceeded to fall asleep as well. Now it is not even ten o' clock and I am dragging.

Ten years ago I had just finished a summer as a camp counsler where I could stay up almost all night long and be to polar bear swim on time. (Though lots of coffee was required at breakfast...) But no longer. Ten pm and I am done for. Good night. Someday I will get around to writing more of those posts inside my head, but this is not that day.

Wish us luck, tomorrow the eldest begins swim lessons! (8:50 on Saturday morning? Now I have to get up early to get there on time? It never ends...)

One quick thing before I go. Found this encouraging story today that shows why you should never give up on defending life.

http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/everything-they-said-turned-out-wrong-mother-of-8-recounts-pressure-to-abor

Scardy cats...

2011-09-16T13:50:00.000-07:00

The other night we had the thunderstorm to end all thunderstorms. At least in the eyes of my two and a half year old...

After the pouring rain pounding on the back window, the electricity went out. While walking around using the cordless phone as a flashlight (while asking the four year old where he thought he left the actual flashlight...) I came across the two year old. He was sitting in the comfy blue chair with his glasses pushed down and his hand covering his eyes.

We then, all three of us, moved and sat together on the couch, and, giving up on the flashlight idea, just let the lightening do it for us. My four year old and I had a good talk about why now was NOT a good time for the "light fixing guys" to be up on a pole and other such things until my husband came home about twenty minutes later. The two year old was dead silent till that time. Yes, he was scared. He wants to come across as fearless, but he is really a scardy cat when it comes down to it.

And me? I admit, I started to get a bit scared as we heard many sirens and I prayed for those who needed help and hoped my husband wasn't one of them. (He did tell me when he got home that he saw the traffic light go out right in front of him.)

And the way the rain pounded and the lights went out? It kind of reminded me of something from a horror movie and I am not a big fan of those. I think the only one I sat the whole way through was The Exorcism of Emily Rose and I am still not fond of waking up at 3am!

But you know what? My response to this storm was so much different than it would have been in the past. I didn't let the fear take hold and take over me. I didn't panic. I didn't hide and cover my eyes like a two year old.

And not just with the storm, but I don't let the fear take hold at all. Even last night after this when Satan threw every fearful thing you could think of at me. (Like the recurring thoughts I have of the horror those on September 11th experienced or that of the women who was murdered a few years ago in the neighborhood my husband grew up in. She was attacked late at night while outside talking on the phone and all her friend heard was "Oh my God, Oh my God" then silence. Or the crazy stuff that's going on in the world right now.)

I have always been afraid. My anxiety started after watching an episode of Reading Rainbow if that gives you a clue as to how long.

But no longer. Everytime I start to fear these things I remember that God is there. Actually I think He reminds me. He is bigger than the storm, bigger than Satan. I am not afraid of him cause I know my Heavenly Father is bigger.

Give it all over to God. Let Him handle your fears and you will have the peace that I have, the peace that I know comes only from God, the peace that surpasses understanding.

I cannot describe it to you. It is definately something that has to be experienced but it is real. I pray that all of you find it because of what it has done to me. If I am a former worry-aholic anyone can do it! If you are fearful ask God to take away your fears and give you peace.

Sorry Satan...

2011-09-15T20:34:00.000-07:00

http://www.priestsforlife.org/resources/photosbyage/index.htm

This kind of does damage to your lie that it wasn't a baby too.

(Sorry, I just got done watching Fr. Frank on EWTN so I am even more fired up now. He was talking about how these kind of images get people to drive away from the abortion clinic after asking him , "Is this what they're going to do to my baby?" ...)

See we all know it a baby. The real question is why are we horrifed by the mother who killed her newborn twin sons but not by the one who aborts her baby?

The answer is not judgement and horror. The real answer is mercy. We need to offer the mother at all stages hope so she does not feel like she has to do this. It is not ever a choice. It is desperation.

Bring it on...

2011-09-15T17:29:00.000-07:00

http://www.priestsforlife.org/articles/3761-official-statement-father-frank-pavone

I heard about this story right after receiving a call from the Pa Pro Life Federation asking for a donation to get the Truth out there into the media to counteract a Planned Parenthood rally that will take place on September 27th at the state capitol.

It seems like Satan is trying mighty hard to stop the Truth from getting out there. Guess what Satan-you lose. This is a battle you will not win. The truth of the unborn baby in the womb is unmistakable. Ultrasound shows the truth. That is why the young are so pro life. They have seen there own ultrasound pictures. You can't tell them that's not a baby. It's them and everyone of us. Science is on the side of God cause He made science. I can't wait for the day I can say "game over"!

The upside to atheistic regimes...

2011-09-15T11:09:00.000-07:00

*There is one, you just have to look really, really hard for it.

What do I think it is? It is like Fr. Corapi said..."the darker the night, the brighter the stars of Heaven shine." In other words, the more evil we see, the more the good contrasts with it.

I hope my story of September 11th showed you this. Through the evil I was able to see the good. I hope to be that good here. To be your shining star.

However, today I want to introduce you to one of those stars much brighter than me who lived-and died-during the darkest time of the twentieth century. You have probably never heard of him unless you are a) Catholic and/or b) a history buff. (Of which I am both.)

Maximillain Kolbe was born on January 8, 1894 in Poland. As a young boy he had a vision of Mary in which she asked him to pick between two crowns-that of virginity and that of martyrdom. He chose both.

He became a Fransican. I could tell you all about the things he did during his life but what I truly want to focus on in my time here is how he died. He was sent to Auschwitz. (If I remember correctly for, imagine this, speaking out against the government...)

One day a man escaped from the camp, so the Nazi's -being the nice guys they were- decided to kill ten men in his place. One young husband and father spoke up and begged to be spared. Kolbe spoke up and offered to die in his place.

He and the nine others were sent off to starve to death. Kolbe, despite being weak from tuberculosis, was the last survivor of the group. (They wanted the cell empty so they shot him up with carbolic acid.) He is known as a martyr of charity.

While the men were imprisoned the guards were dumbfounded by the sounds coming out of their cell. Instead of the usual torment, they heard the men... singing hymns! So yes, praise God even when the going gets really (I mean really) rough.

And while your at it, ask Kolbe for his prayers. He died on August 14th (1941) which has become his feast day. John Paul II called him the patron Saint of our difficult century. He has become the patron saint of, among other things, prisoners and the pro life movement.

Why?

2011-09-14T12:24:00.000-07:00

Why write a blog post like the one I did earlier? To warn you, so you won't be unprepared. It is one of the main reasons I started a more public blog-to share with more people about what is going on in the world around us. (But trust in God above all else is the main message.) Perhaps these three insights I just thought of will help give you a better idea of the need and urgency I see for warning however.

1) You know the old saying " you don't know what you got till it's gone!"? How I wish you will not have to learn that lesson about the freedoms you have.

2) Before ten years and a few days ago you probably thought something like September 11th could never happen here. Lesson-America is not immune to problems.

3) Why should I speak out? "The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."

Replay

2011-09-14T11:14:00.000-07:00

I'll spare you the whole fifteen minute conversation I had with my father earlier (about half of which just involved the sounds of children complaining while getting wiped off after lunch). Let me just give you a few of the "highlights". The things you will not see in the mainstream media today. (I checked: neither Fox, Cnn, or MSNBC covered this. Ok it may have been deeply buried in the Ny Times, but still...) While I still have the freedom to do so (or do I?)...

http://www.barackobama.com/news/launching-attackwatchcom

This is the new part of the Barak Obama re-elction site. The one where you are to get the facts to refute the attacks on him. But it also says "and report false allegations you’ve seen or heard." Um, why does the government want to know who is attacking it? The last I checked you were allowed to speak out against the government (or anybody else for that matter) here in America. You know, that whole first amendment type of thing. It's what made this country great and different from the rest of the world. For over two hundred years people have been coming here escaping other governments telling them what to do, think, feel, or say. It is the reason people first came here to being with, specifically for religious freedom.

http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/Facts-Are-Stubborn-Things/

And apparently this isn't the first time they have done this. It was done back in the day of the health care debate... " If you get an email or see something on the web about health insurance reform that seems FISHY, send it to flag@whitehouse.gov." (Emphasis mine. It seems fishy to me that the government wants to know whats fishy...)

I am not attacking the government here. I am just say that I am EXTREMELY uncomfortable with the idea of people reporting you to the governemnt for saying things against the government. It goes so against what America is.

And no, it is not just Glenn Beck and the like saying this...

It is the women on his staff who cried when they were doing their special on communism because she had a MASTER'S in history and she had never been taught what they were covering in that program.

It is the people from Russia who have come up to thank him for what he is doing because they KNOW what a communist country is like. (Imagine a place where your whole life you were told the Bible is a lie and you are not allowed to do your own research. This from a missionary who went there at the end of the Soviet Union.)

It is my father in laws friend who lived in a communist country saying that the people who spoke out against the government just disappeared. He KNOWS what that was like and KNOWS where we are headed if things do not change quickly.

It is my dad saying they should call it "Stasiwatch.com." (The East German police who did this. "People were imprisoned for such reasons as trying to leave the country, or telling political jokes. Prisoners were kept, isolated and disoriented, knowing nothing of what was going on in the outside world."-quote from wikepedia since I had no idea what my dad was talking about. But I trust the man seeing he is Mr. Trivia and he knows way more about this stuff than I do. Or at least did. Now, now I am starting to pay attention. I was never political till about a year and a half ago. I could have cared less. Please, if that is you- Start paying attention!!! Now!!! Do not take your freedoms for granted. Start researching them and the true history of America and communism. It is not what you think. It does not work. It is in fact, evil. Which brings me to...)

It is the guy in The 5,000 year Leap who said he would rather be in prison in America than free anywhere else. (He was locked up for I forget what, but he had been a communist-in theroy. He then went to live in communist countries and saw what it was like. He was also no longer an atheist... Communsim, at it's core, is atheistic. The government is God, not God being God. Please take my word on this. Communism sounded like a good idea to me when I was young too-you see I wasn't really taught what it was and/or didn't pay attention in history class-fair for everybody. Everybody gets an equal share, right? I just didn't get that it took away freedom. It takes away our freedom to freely give to our neighbor. The freedom that God gave you to give. You rights come from God, not the government.)

Its G.K. Chesterton "the apostle of common sense" who said big government is one of the four things wrong with the world. (The other three being big business, feminism, and public education. As a side note, the lady working the table at the homeschooling fair said the candidate she supported would stand up to Obama who "knows the homeschoolers are a threat to him". There are reasons we were never taught these things in school. Public school
=government school. Brainwash us with their propoganda and make it seem like that is the only history, period. Do your own research-there are stories out there you were never told. Don't trust anyone-Glenn Beck, Fox, CNN, MSNBC, or the Ny Times included. Trust your gut. What makes sense to you?)

It is the quote I heard, though I forget where, that said Hitler would have killed for the computer.(All the easier to track you with my dear...) My gut tells me that that is not a good thing!

Ok, now that I have gotten all riled up and scared again... I am going to go pray while I work cause God is our only hope in this mess. Just please, please, please, listen to this. Do not let yourself have to learn the hard way that communism is not the way. God is THE WAY! ("THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE, No one comes to the Father except through me." Darn-now that that Bible school song is in my head. Yes, they still want that Cd played. All. The. Time.)

P.S. One last thing I thought of before I hit publish... Quote from Mother Angelica's prayer book. "We are not fighting against politics, but against the forces of Satan: men who have given themselves over to possession of the devil. Only God can help us. This is His battle. Remember one angel could wipe out a continent in no time at all.Let's remember how powerful the angels are and ask them to help us." I hope to do more on angels soon!

The four B's

2011-09-13T18:32:00.000-07:00

I saw a program, oh, probably over a year ago now. But something on it really stuck with me and I've been wanting to share it with you. (Seeing as I have no children to watch at the moment I just am finally getting the chance to write it down.)

The program was on spiritual warfare. (This was as far as I got the first time before I got interrupted...) The author of the book Onward Catholic Soldier was giving some ways the devil tries to get you to be more like him to ultimately lead you to his palace of malice. (Yes, I just came up with that and yes, it is corny.) By the title of this post you may have guessed that they all begin with B. Here they are, the enemy's favorite weapons. Satan gets you to be:

-bad (This is a "duh" one!)

-bored (Being bored can lead you to do the tempting things he wants you to do. Like tempting you in a "Eh, why not check out what's on the porn channel cause it has to be better than sitting around here bored out of my skull" sort of way.) Ready, ready....

-BUSY (This one qualifies for American culture big time. Example-I am sitting in front of my computer screen right now but at least I'm trying to do something productive with my time instead of mindlessly surfing the net. Hi, Twitter and Facebook anyone? Fun, but oh so addictive which is why I stay away. They also used the example that you can even get busy doing too many things for God and don't take time to do all the other things you should be doing-like ,oh, praying for example. Example-The priest who told Mother Teresa he was to busy to pray and she said "Well, then you are just too busy.") And finally...

-boastful (There is nothing Satan loves (wait I am not sure he can love, but you know what I mean) more than a fellow prideful soul. Oh how it is his goal to make you think you are better than somebody else. Especially if you say, I don't need God. That's exactly what he did after all... Pride is THE original sin. The antidote? Humility. Don't think you are better than anyone, I mean ANYONE else. We are all stuck in this thing called human nature together. And just because you aren't as bad (or poor, or gay, or black) as someone else doesn't mean you are better. God still loves them just as much as he loves you and calls them to repentance as well. He's still working on me too.)

P.S. Just FYI-Remember the six cycles that have repeated throughout history? Luxury and pride are followed by despair which leads to repentance. Where is America now and where is it headed? Despair will lead to our repentance, but oh how I wish we did not have to learn the lesson the hard way...

So much to write about...

2011-09-12T11:45:00.000-07:00

So little time. Just a few quick things.

-I didn't need a study to tell me that kids get hyped up after watching Sponge Bob. I just needed to watch my kids after they've spent some time at Pappy's hosue (We don't have tv here) or the kids who were anything but quiet during quiet (tv) time at the one place I worked. But a study has been done and confirms what I have suspected for years. There is a reason my kids have a better attention span than most other kids I've seen. (As a side note I'll mention the fact that St. Elizabeth Ann Seton apparently had a vison of a black box that would destroy many souls. Hmmm. Wonder what that could possibly mean.)

-My house is still a wreck today. I have given up. I would rather blog right now.

-Baby girl will be one tomorrow! What? Baby girl will be one tomorrow? Wasn't she just born, like, yesterday? For those of you who care expect the cake stuffing pics on the family web space from our play date/birthday party tomorrow.

-My husband made it home safely in the flood. The highway bridge did not flood. It is too high and my father in law said if that ever flooded the only thing we would see floating down the river is Noah's Ark! Though in 72' after Agnes he did see a cow floating down it...

-I have so much more to say about America, September 11th, Socialism, Communism, and persecution that who knows when I'll ever find the time to write it. And who knows if you would listent o me anyway. It's ok-people didn't believe St. Faustina when she told them World War II was coming either...

-I really need to write down the ideas in my head when they come to me before they disappear forever.

-I don't feel so bad, after seeing my friend Lynnette's kitchen, about my construction zone house. (Actually I only feel bad when other people bring it up and even then I have learned to let it go.) 13 years? I guess I am no longer America's most patient house wife. I hand over the title. But seriously, five years of a construction zone house doesn't seem so bad next to thirteen so I choose to be grateful today. So since it's Monday anyway...

136-That my husband is staring to do some more work on our house. (And that the mid life crisis and other issues that have kept him from doing it for the last four and half months since he said he was going to start are resolved.)
137-That my house is bigger than my bedroom. (Another way I feel better about my house is to remember that St. Bernadette's family of six lived in something not so nice that was only the size of my bedroom. (Did I mention yet that American's are spoiled and we take WAY too much for granted? We have no idea what it is like to live in other places?) Which leads me to...)
138-That something far far better awaits us in Heaven than the most beuatiful kitchen here. (Mary told Bernadette she could not be promised happiness in this life but in the next.)
139-Multitude Monday: The natural disaster edition. We survived the flood unscathed. (Aside from a wee bit o water in the unfinished just for this very reason basement.)
140-So what if we had to boil our water. (Which, we are lazy 21st century American's and we didn't do. God bless plastic and paper wear and take out!)
141-For my friends parents being up one street higher than the flood. (I called to check on them today.)
142-For the almost birthday girl and her ability to clap! It is way to cute and she picks the most random times to do it.
143-For little boys.
144-For books that will hopefully help me teach them some better conflict resolution skills than their current modes of puching, shoveing, hitting, and screaming like banshies...
145-For the times the children do actually take naps. (Though now is not one of those times cause the eldest just went up to "take a nap" but I think instead has woken up the little brother...)
146-How could I forget. All the brave heros of 9/11 and our military. Freedom is not free.