Truth be told (again), after some research, I'm still not exactly sure. You may be surprised, however, to find that I am much more "liberal" on this issue than my fundamentalist counter parts.
I don't think it means the woman does all the cooking, cleaning, and child rearing. (I can't cook to save my life so we would be starving right now if my husband didn't help!) What I take from Proverbs 31 is that the woman is to work hard for her family. Which is true, as wives and mothers we are asked to sacrifice for others. But men aren't magically off the hook in this. We are all called to sacrifice for the sake of others.
I think it is ideal for A parent to stay home (oh, the expose I could write as a former day care worker about the dangers of letting someone else raise your kids for you), but in some cases the dad may make the better choice. In others it may not be possible.
I do not think it means that the man dominates the woman: in harsh ways, in general; in physical ways, in particular. There is no excuse for that.
I don't even think it means that the man decides every thing. Husband and wife are to prayerfully make key decisions together.
All of these man over woman ideas come from one verse. (One verse! Such problems come when people do not read in context with a deep understanding of theology.) The verse that says wives are to submit to their husbands.
What people often over look is the verse right before that, which says husband and wife are to be subordinate to one another and a few verses after say that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Male dominated Christian patriarchy just doesn't fit the bill.
So how does Christ love the church? Well, He gave up His life for it. That's right. A husband should love his wife so much that he's willing to die for her. Somehow I think someone who is just trying to be the boss isn't going to do that.
I always got the idea it was that the man was supposed to be more of a spiritual leader, not a tyrant. This would fit with what I have figured out about Catholic theology. The verses say how the man is the head of His wife as Christ is the head of the Church. The home is sometimes called the domestic church, so, I guess it needs a leader?
My husband seems to think it means that God will hold him more accounatble than me for our decisions. In essence, the buck stops with him.
Something else I came across in my brief research on this topic was by Mark Driscoll. (I get it: he's controversial, but I did learn from him. God uses even those who are somewhat flawed in their theology.)
It had to do with the woman being the man's helper. He said that God helps us. By saying the woman is to be the helper, Jesus is asking her to help in a mission to bring her husband closer to Himself. This sounded similar to the idea of redemptive suffering where we share in Christ's redemptive work.
(And I have no doubt there are wives out there who suffer trying to get their husbands to be more like Jesus! Marriage is difficult, but so worth it.)
Finally I thank Mr. Christopher West for resolving the issue for me. (I am loving his book Good News about Sex and Marriage-It's a must read!) The whole book points to the theology behind the meaning of sex. It all comes from John Paul II's theology of the body.
Sex was designed to teach us about God. We are in His image and two becoming one and sometimes begetting a third images the Trinity.
In the much debated passage from Ephesians, husbands represent Christ and the wife represents the Church. Wives submit to the mission of their husband, which is to love as Christ loved. (Again, He died for the church.)
"What, then, does it mean for a wife to submit to her husband? It means let your husband serve you. Put yourself under his mission to love you as Christ loved the Church. ....... What woman would not want to receive this kind of love from her husband? What woman would not want to be subject to her husband if he truly took his mission seriously to love her as Christ loved the church? So often it's husbands who want their wives to take this Scripture passage to heart. I think it's we men who need to take it to heart first." pg. 63 and 64
So there you have it. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church. Wives get behind your husbands if this is what they do and encourage them to fulfill their mission if they could use some work in this area.
(Just be loving in return. I also learned from Mr. Driscoll that I still have much work to do in the area of being the respectful wife. Take it from me, one or both partners acting in an unChrist like manner is going to get you no where--fast.)
P.S.-Still sick (I'm even on meds for a bladder infection now) but everyone is napping because of it and I actually got this one done! After frequently drifting in and out of sleep all weekend it feels good to finally accomplish something.
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