Snapshots

Last weekend I read another book. (Surprise, me reading a book! -see book list) It was all about When Bad Christians Happen to Good People.

In one section the author was making the analogy that most people we come across only see a small snapshot of our life and, whoa to you, if they catch you on the wrong day. You may be a really good Christian but they happened to catch you on the day everything is driving you batty and you snap. And therefore get a bad view of Christianity. (Anyone else raising there hand for been there, done that type experiences?)

I think that is the snapshot some of you have of my life. You catch me on the day when who knows what has happened to me and I just can't take it any more. I snap.

Then I received an e-mail from a friend saying what a strong women I am and how amazing my faith is. Really? At the same time I am coming across to someone that way mainly through this blog? She has a much different snapshot.

I am neither horrible nor ready to be canonized a saint. I am average. I am human. While I admit my theological knowledge (see book list again) and trust in God are higher than the average person I know, I do a horrible job of actually applying this knowledge.

I lie. A swear word still slips out every now and then. I can still be judgemental. I get angry with family members (and random people on the internet). I am an internet addict who should be cleaning up from lunch or reading books with my son, but I am rather selfish and would rather get these pesky thoughts out of my head for my own benefit before I serve others!

I am listening right now to homily on EWTN about living out our faith. One of today's readings was from the book of James. "Faith with out works is dead." This does mot mean our good works get us into heaven. It means if we aren't living out what we beleive, well we're in trouble.

Jesus said not everyone who called Him Lord would get into heaven, but those who do the will of His Father. That's the part I'm still working on. I admit "I have sinned in my thoughts, and in my words, in what I have done and what I have failed to do."

This is how I feel. I feel like all you see is me talking. And to some of you it looks good. But I am like the duck--calm, cool, and collected on the top, while paddling like the devil underneath!

There was another analogy in the book. The Christian becomes like a caterpillar once saved by God's grace. But that doesn't mean God isn't trying to grow the caterpillar into a butterfly. I am trying hard to break out of that cocoon!

I am still a work in progress. Does it make me a bad Christian? No, as long as I keep trying my best I will keep growing. I apologize if you catch me on a bad snapshot day. :)

All this to say, in the next week or two I plan on sharing some things that may be hard for some of you to hear about birth control, NFP, Biblical womanhood?, and Christian unity. You may get a bad snap shot of me in what I write, but know that in my heart I am only trying to help everyone else break out of their cocoon.