My friend said that she could see how things I have written could come off that way to someone who doesn't know me in real life. It's why part of me, the part that was going to soon announce I was cutting back on blog time in January because I want to spend more time with three dimensional people instead, wants to be able to jump through the computer screen so I could actually talk to you about this.
I feel, and have talked about this before, that this medium is not ideal because things like tone of voice and body language can not be taken into account. I just write because I like to. It helps me process things. If it helps someone out in the process that's great.
I don't want to drive people away from Christ so I have been learning (since the original post, and will continue to do so), how to come across without offending others the best I can. But ultimately I am not responsible for that. I am not responsible for your feelings and how you take things. I can say and mean one thing and it is not my fault if you take it a completely different way. (I hate this because my husband always has to be the one to point this out to me when I take offence to what he says...)
With this whole situation I realize there is also a lot of ASSuming going on. (Yes, I put those in caps for a reason...ahem.) I assumed things about all of you at FJ and wrote a nasty post about it before I really had time to calm down and think about it. I have since learned to not blog when angry...
You all seem to (I'm assuming here again, tell me if I am wrong) be assuming that I am not sincere.
We should all stop making these assumptions. We don't know each other in real life. You all don't know about the chemical/hormonal mess that I am that makes me act this way at times. (Oh my do meds help, but it is hard to change thirty years of acting one way once you start taking them. It has been a long two and a half year process but I am getting better all the time. I am even better since I wrote the original post in May. Again, I have definitely learned to not blog when angry...if only I could learn to not snap at my husband when I first get out of bed we'd be all set!)
You also don't know about how I used to doubt the existence of God and how I found my way back to my Catholic roots. You don't know about all the hardships I've had that got me there, such as having a miscarriage and a baby who needed heart surgery at six weeks old. (I pretty much saw my only option was to trust in God.)
On the other side, I don't know what hardships you have had. I don't know what interactions you have all had with Christians that make you assume I am not being sincere. From reading unChristian I can only guess they were like some of the not to pleasant examples in the book. Humans-Christian or not-can be very nasty to each other at times. Again, I am sorry I was nasty to you. It was one of my biggest unChristian moments in awhile. Here's hoping I don't put my
6 comments:
I don't want to drive people away from Christ so I have been learning (since the original post, and will continue to do so), how to come across without offending others the best I can. But ultimately I am not responsible for that. I am not responsible for your feelings and how you take things. I can say and mean one thing and it is not my fault if you take it a completely different way. (I hate this because my husband always has to be the one to point this out to me when I take offence to what he says...)
You are quite right that no-one can make anyone else feel anything. However, if you frequently get a negative reaction from your audience, and you find yourself failing to achieve your goals, you might want to reconsider your own behaviour. You are the one that started the dialogue with FJ, no-one came looking for you.
On a more personal note - you say you have suffered depression for 10 years and yet your husband frequently tells you that he is not responsible for your feelings. Well, that's as may be, but if he is behaving badly and that behaviour leads up to your feeling bad, then maybe your relationship has become toxic and you might want to reconsider whether you want to put up with that behaviour of his.
Maybe talk to your non-Christian friend about these things - she sounds like a good person to share ideas with.
Have you ever heard the phrase "Actions speak louder than words"? Well this is a case of that. Your words say that you want to have an open dialogue on Free Jinger, you actions say that you avoided a great many questions on that thread. If you had the time to write this blog post, you had the time to scroll through the thread and address some of the questions asked of you. Like what do you think treating children like blessings looks like. Or how do you think that you value life differently than people there. Or what is your view of the Duggars.
~Please don't answer any of these questions on your blog, come to FJ to do so~
But you didn't do that, so your actions show that you weren't that sincere with your words. If I am going to go somewhere and say I want honest, open dialogue, then I am going to make sure that I am actually prepared to do so. To do otherwise is to show I was really planning on doing what I said.
formergothardite
Your right that I came to you. I was naive in thinking/ not realizing how many people would respond and then realized I just may not be able to keep up with it. That's all. I am reconsidering my own behavior. I guess you didn't understand what I was saying about my husband. It is not what you think at all. He is actually helping me and doing what the counselor told him to do. He and no one else is responsible for how I take things. I am not responsible for how you view me. I will keep talking to my friend and others (like my non practicing Catholic brother in law) about this kind of thing.
"you had the time to scroll through the thread and address some of the questions asked of you"
I have done that with as many questions as I could and I will go answer your questions right now on Free Jinger.
Amy, those folks for at FJ are a bunch of loons. Ignore them and move on. You'll be all that better for it.
I would say though that calling them a bunch of loons is probably something they would take offence to and I would see why. It is this kind of thing that made me apologize in the first place. The little interaction I have had with them is helping me see how to come across better. They are not going to be receptive to the Christian message from people who can not treat them with the respect they deserve. Can't we all-Christian and non Christian alike be kinder to one another?
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